- As a stay-at-home mom, I am very involved in my children's lives on a daily basis.
- I sometimes feel pressure to buy my kids expensive gifts when I see other parents doing it.
A friend of mine recently purchased a small jeep that her son could ride on the road. It was red and huge and looked so much like a real jeep that my son went bonkers and demanded that I get him the same thing. It looked great, but I had to let my son know I wouldn't buy the jeep for him.
When I first became a parent seven years ago, I fought the guilt of not buying enough stuff for my baby. I succumbed to the pressure of being that parent who ends up buying everything and anything, thinking that the things will make my baby happy. I ended up buying stuff that my baby could live without.
In fact, most of it was unnecessary.
I don't aspire to be the 'perfect parent'
There are many other things I have crossed off my parenting to-do lists such as planning a trip to Disneyland, throwing themed birthday parties with a lot of guests, setting up personalized bedrooms for the kids, and buying matching footwear and clothing or ten pairs of shoes.
I have found that discarding the notion that I can be a "perfect parent" has made me a happier parent.
My 3-year-old's birthday just passed last month. A friend of mine called and asked if I had picked a theme and chosen a cake. She also asked if I had put up a guest list and then went on to ask if I had purchased goodie bags.
While I love my kids, I didn't think that the only way to show my love was through a fancy, themed birthday party.
For my daughter's birthday, I ended up picking a simple vanilla cake and called three of her friends. My daughter cut the cake and laughed throughout, because she had her favorite people right beside her. We took photographs as a family for keepsakes.
"No party?" asked my friend. "She'll grow up and ask you questions: 'Why you didn't take enough pictures?' She'll ask you why you didn't buy her dresses."
I told my friend that my kids will surely ask me a lot of questions, but I also know that they'll learn to see the things that I did for them.
I am very involved in my kids' lives
As an active, stay-at-home parent, I make it a point to read to them every day. I take the kids out to the park when the weather is great. We also do museums, zoos, beaches, and all other kid-friendly activities that are affordable and close enough for me to drive to. I give them a lot of my time. I make it a point to ask them questions after they come back from school. In turn, I listen to them.
When another parent buys expensive toys for their kids, I do feel a small bubble of pressure growing inside me that I've learned to ignore with practice. Because no matter how hard I try, there will always be something that I can't give my kids or someplace where I won't be able to take them. Money will not be the only problem.
I try to focus on the things that I can do. It doesn't always have to be the electric scooter or the wagon, or the fancy clothes or the long trips. I do small things that help my kids have real fun. Like play with water in the backyard, bubble time, or dancing in the rain.