How young Black women are manifesting a soft life

• According to a trend taking over TikTok, being a "soft life" girl ultimately means only doing the things that you want to do.
• The term "soft life" emerged from the Nigerian influencer community as a "way to imagine what life can feel like apart from the realities of Black women's labor."

The theory is simple – live a life of comfort, leisure, and low stress. Maybe you dedicate half an hour to your skincare routine, or maybe you take a pilates class twice a week. Perhaps you stay in your bathrobe all day until you finally have to step outside. Whatever it may be, according to the trend taking over TikTok, being a "soft life" girl ultimately means only doing the things that you want to do.

So how does one live a life that only entails partaking in activities that are more rewarding than they are necessary? Privilege would be the short answer. Privilege in finances, privilege in social status, and privilege in source of income, whether via wealthy parents, large brand deals, or a successful significant other. Maybe that explains why the soft life aesthetic is oversaturated with white creators, a demographic that is more likely to have generational wealth, strike large deals with brands, and even date people with high-paying jobs. Optimistically, another version of living a soft life is gaining popularity among "online" Black women – this time as a lifestyle instead of an aesthetic.

"Unapologetically prioritizing self needs"

The term "soft life" emerged from the Nigerian influencer community as a "way to imagine what life can feel like apart from the realities of Black women's labor." To be exact, it's an expression that rejects the stereotypical lifestyle of Black women being laborers and providers.

"I don't know who needs to hear this but that whole strong Black woman narrative, it doesn't apply to me. I live a soft life. I am a dainty princess. I will fall out at the drop of a minor inconvenience," Brittany, a lifestyle blogger, posted to TikTok in March 2022, pioneering the trend of soft life Black women on the social media platform.

"Living a soft life is unapologetically prioritizing self needs," said Nicole Jenkins, an assistant professor of sociology at Howard University. "Everybody understands self-care, but Black women generally have had a difficult time because they're often prioritizing other folks' needs over themselves. It's a new rendition of self-care that is really unapologetically prioritizing what it is that we need in rejection of this strong Black woman narrative that so many of us have been cultured into really adopting." Channeling a soft life can be as simple as giving yourself time to pause, saying kind words to yourself, and uplifting yourself, says Jenkins, which is a starkly different approach than the trend's early days.

Consumerist content, often promoting lavish experiences like fresh manicures, designer bags, all-expenses paid vacations, and five-course dinners was the blueprint fed to Black women on Tiktok for living a soft life. But more recently, it's been reimagined as a lifestyle that is more attainable to the average Black woman.

But it isn't just capitalistic undertones that have caused controversy for the trend. There's also a downside in dispelling myths. "What they're trying to do with that narrative is opt into femininity that is generally reserved for white women. Black women historically have not been able to get access to this version of womanhood because of slavery," said Shamora Drummond, a sociology graduate student at University of California Los Angeles. Drummond warns that pushing this kind of message can backfire. "In this version of the soft life movement, they're embracing a stereotypical image of a Black woman and then they're trying to say that they are not that. But there still are Black women that have characteristics of the strong Black woman, for various, valid reasons, and now feel like they can't enjoy the perks of a 'soft life.'"

Breaking generational curses

Some therapists working with Black women still believe holding a healthy relationship with a soft lifestyle is still extremely beneficial. "It greatly helps our mental health. It helps us create lives that we enjoy and love regardless of what stress is thrown our way," said Devyn Walker, a Dallas-based licensed professional counselor who specializes in working with Black women dealing with trauma. "Even if you look at it more so on a community level, we are literally breaking generational curses." Walker believes the trend might have been popularized on TikTok, but it originated from more and more Black women going to therapy and having conversations about mental health with people in their community. "It's getting us to the point where we are acknowledging that we don't want the struggle life. We don't want the struggle love, we don't want the struggle job, we don't want any of that," she said.

Thanks to viral conversations unfolding across social media platforms, living a soft life, for Black women, is something that is now imaginable. The access, wisdom, and knowledge these platforms provide are creating space for Black women to bite back against the stereotypes that have been expected of them in order to survive. But survival is not always synonymous with pushing through stress. One would argue, long-term, the effects of that can cause serious health issues. As Walker puts it: "We want to live a life of ease. And I think we should be able to do that considering the generations and generations of trauma that our community has endured."