How I found my best friends as an adult after I quit drinking
- Making friends as an adult can be tough, especially when you don't drink.
- I quit drinking two years ago and used work and renewed interests to build a sense of community.
One morning in the summer of 2021, I woke up feeling like I never wanted to drink again. Now, I haven't had a drink in about two years.
Since I quit drinking, my body feels better, and my mind feels clearer. And when I don't spend my weekends partying and sleeping in the next day, I have time to do more things.
This spare time left me craving more friends.
But I felt somewhat awkward meeting new people without alcohol, and I soon realized that I had been using drinking as a crutch to make friends in adulthood.
Grabbing a drink had been my default when building connections, and I'd been consistently hanging out at bars since college.
Health experts Insider previously spoke to agree that replacing drinking with healthier habits like spending time with friends can help you enjoy life without alcohol.
So I decided to find new ways to build a community of friends based on my interests.
Connect with colleagues away from work
I started with my job, where I typically work from home since the pandemic, and all my coworkers are connected on the professional messaging program Slack.
I decided to view work as an opportunity to make new friends. So when a colleague who I'd never met messaged me about one of my articles, I asked her to hang out.
I usually feel weird going to meet someone I've never talked to before, but we connected quickly over shared interests.
Two years later, I've made several new friends at work across teams and meet up with them at the office now that it's open again.
Find people who share your passions
Next, I thought about the things I love besides journalism and how I could meet people with similar passions.
Music has always been a significant part of my life. But, since the pandemic, I hadn't been going to shows or playing in a band.
So I got on Facebook and started joining groups for musicians in my area. While doing this, I realized that there seems to be a Facebook group for just about every interest. Anyone could use this strategy to meet people who share their passions.
After a weekend of searching on Facebook and a few months of jamming with various musicians, I found my crew. I feel like I lucked out with how well we worked together, and it took a lot less effort than I expected. Now, my bandmates are my best friends.
Get moving
I've also found ways to be social with extracurricular activities.
Joining a martial arts gym in the fall of 2021 gave me a stress-relieving outlet and another reason to leave my apartment on weeknights while engaging in a somewhat social, alcohol-free activity.
Since my band has become more successful by booking shows, recording music, and going on tour, I quit the gym to focus on my drumming. As you may imagine, this is a stress-relieving workout as well.
Volunteer
To find volunteer opportunities, I thought about issues I care about and skills I have that can help.
I love dogs, and dogs can be friends, too, I thought. Since many rescue dogs need homes, I figured that I could use my photography skills to help rescue pups stand out on sites like Petfinder.
As soon as I had the idea, I rushed to my computer and started emailing rescues, and I got some responses. Now, I get to play with dogs while I take pictures of them a few times a month.
And I'm not just making new dog friends — the humans who care for them are pretty cool, too.
Now that I've figured out how to build relationships without alcohol, I don't think I'll ever go back to drinking.