Homework battles are common. Here's how to avoid them, according to psychologists and parents.

• Many parents and kids struggle with stress and anxiety over homework.
• Ask your kids whether they want help, but know your limits.

When Carl Nassar approaches his 14-year-old daughter about homework, he can feel his own anxiety. There's time pressure to get the assignments done before dinner and internal pressure telling him he's a good parent only if he helps her succeed. Before long, Nassar can see his daughter's stress levels skyrocket, too.

"If we approach our kids with this angst, this anxiety — well, you've seen it happen — our kids resist the implied pressure," Nassar, a therapist and dad, said. "When we're out of sorts, our kids get out of sorts."

While there aren't any formal polls about how common homework battles are, a quick survey of parents will likely show you that many families dread after-school study time. Here's how to end the homework battles and ensure that assignments stop ruining evenings in your home.

Get in the right frame of mind

Many parents steel themselves for battle before bringing up homework with their kids. But Nassar recommends the opposite approach.

"Find your calm. Help your child find their calm," he said. "Only then do you talk homework specifics together."

Diagnose the problem

You should identify the biggest roadblock to peaceful homework completion, Tim Urdan, a father and professor of psychology at Santa Clara University, said. Maybe it's time management or procrastination; perhaps it's that your child is easily distracted. When you identify the main problem, you can brainstorm solutions.

Ask your child what they want

It's possible to be overinvolved in homework, especially with older children and teens, Urdan said. So ask your child whether they want help and which type of help would be best. With that approach, they're more likely to feel empowered, rather than micromanaged.

Know your limits

If you don't have the academic skills or the patience for homework, you may need to find someone else, such as another parent, neighbor, or tutor, to help your child, Urdan said.

While this may seem harsh, it can improve your child's academics. Studies have found that parents can pass on their school-related anxieties to their children as they help with homework, Jessica Mercer Young, a mom of three and psychologist who researches early-childhood education, said. For example, when parents with anxieties about math helped their kids with homework, their children picked up on those anxieties and ultimately learned fewer math skills, Mercer Yong said. There's nothing wrong with knowing when to step back, Urdan said.

Break up the work

Homework can seem overwhelming to kids (and parents), so Urban recommends breaking it into smaller chunks. Have your child work for 20 minutes, then give them a 20-minute break to play, check their phone, or move their bodies. For younger kids, the sessions should be even shorter. The key is to foster a sense of accomplishment and productivity, rather than tedium.

Don't take over

It may be tempting to take over your child's assignments to get them done more quickly. But that can signal to your child that you think they're incapable, Mercer Young said. Instead, ask your child some questions so that they can ultimately figure out the answer to the problem.

Have a routine and set space

Discover the homework routine that works for your family and stick to it, John Bianchette, the vice president of education and training at Mathnasium, said.

"This will help kids know what to expect and be ready, motivated, and focused when homework time rolls around," he said, adding that a designated homework space was important, too.

Stay positive

Keep yourself and your child in the right state of mind by encouraging positive thinking and interrupting any negative thought patterns.

"Those negative thoughts and words can significantly hinder a student's ability to get their homework done," Bianchette said.

If your child says, "I can't do this," Bianchette recommends encouraging them to use a more positive affirmation, such as: "I may not understand this right now, but I am smart and can figure this out."

Remember your role

As a parent, your job isn't to make sure your child does their homework perfectly. It's to de-escalate their stress and make homework feel manageable, Urdan said.

"You are the calming influence trying to help your child build better habits and develop confidence," he said, "so be careful not to make it a more negative experience."

Play the long game

Don't expect changes instantly. Instead, focus on building a healthy approach to homework over time so that, ideally, you can become less and less involved with your child completing their assignments.

"You are building a collaboration with your child to help them develop better homework habits," Urdan said. "Good collaborations take time to develop, so don't give up if the first few attempts don't go well."