From 'lurker' to bride-to-be, how one wedding subreddit became the one-stop destination for newly engaged people in need of support

• The wedding subreddit is a one-stop destination for engaged couples.
• Brides and grooms-to-be post everything from questions about venues and dresses to photos from their big days.
• Unlike other subs on the website, the channel is inherently positive, with the users forming a digital community they can't often find in real life.
• "It's such a positive corner of the internet," one user said of the page.

Planning a wedding takes a village. Some engaged couples turn to their bridal parties, future in-laws, planners, and friends who have already planned their once-in-a-lifetime event for help at every turn.

But for members of the wedding subreddit, an online community of other engaged people is just as important as that real-life support system.

The wedding subreddit describes itself as a one-stop wedding hub

The page has been active since 2008, forming as a resource for engaged couples as they plan their weddings and evolving over its 12-year history.

There are other wedding-related subreddits, like wedding planning and weddings under 10K, but the main wedding page features posts about engagements, planning, and photos of weddings.

Some people use the page as a source of advice, asking other brides and grooms how they dealt with problems with caterers or an opinionated maid of honor. Others share wedding photos to the page after their big days, as it allows them to relive the fun with a bigger audience. And some future brides even share photos of their wedding dresses to the page before they show their fiancés.

"It was just a cool way to see different ideas that people had," Cynthia Rodriguez, who has been a member of the wedding subreddit for about nine months, told Insider. She usually checks the page once a day, though it's been more frequent since a photo of her at her wedding started getting some attention on the page.

The subreddit has just over 85,000 members, many of whom joined before they were even engaged.

The non-engaged on the page are referred to as "lurkers" among the group. Engagement announcements in the sub are often accompanied by captions like "long time lurker," with members celebrating when a user can officially join the almost-married club.

Unlike other subreddits, the wedding page is almost entirely filled with positive posts and comments

There are over 1.8 million subreddits, but few are as positive as the weddings sub.

"It's a generally very friendly atmosphere and community," Rodriguez said of the page. "Obviously there are some subreddits where people are looking to be catty with each other and not helpful, but the wedding subreddit is mostly people who are very sincere about their responses and people are supportive and helpful with each other."

Erin Meyer, who has been a member of the page for a little over a year, echoed Rodriguez: "It really is just a super positive community."

She told Insider that she never made or commented on posts until she joined weddings.

"It's just such a positive corner of the internet," Meyer said. She recently shared a photo of herself in her wedding gown with the subreddit, highlighting her weight-loss journey since she bought her gown with the post.

"Especially as a larger lady, it can be scary to post yourself on the internet because people can be really cruel behind keyboards," Meyer told Insider. "But everyone was so positive."

Sarah Pilkington, a 27-year-old bride who plans to get married in October, has had the same experience.

"Planning a wedding is so stressful, especially with everything else going on in the world, and it's nice to have a place where people understand exactly what you are going through and are experiencing the same things," she said.

"It just kind of feels like a safe space," Rodriguez added. "For it to stay so positive considering how many people are in it is very interesting."

Part of the reason for its positivity might be that people who are looking to criticize engagement rings head to the ring shaming sub, while those with gripes about their betrothed or soon-to-be in-laws look to pages like AITA and relationships.

The subreddit has been an invaluable resource for couples who have had to postpone their weddings as a result of the coronavirus

People always post questions in the subreddit, but Meyer, Rodriguez, and Pilkington said it's become even more helpful amid the pandemic, as so many couples are facing uncharted issues when it comes to planning.

"Trying to plan a wedding or having a wedding during 2020 has been a really weird experience," Meyer said. "Reddit has been a big point of support, especially since everything's changed."

Meyer and her fiancé had to reschedule their celebration, which was set for October 2020, to September 2021. Meyer also said that hearing how other couples are handling the pandemic helped her make the decision to postpone. "It's kind of unifying to have a place to talk about it," she told Insider.

Rodriguez said the subreddit has also become more helpful for her amid the pandemic. She and her husband got married in June in a virtual ceremony at their house.

"I obviously have a lot of friends who've gotten married, but other than one person, nobody else has really had to postpone and figure out how to deal with the logistics of a wedding that was supposed to happen during a pandemic," Rodriguez said.

The subreddit is stepping in to give her much needed advice and perspective.

Although much of the country has reopened in recent weeks, engaged couples are still wondering if they should reschedule their weddings, so brides and grooms are still asking each other questions about venues and contracts on the wedding subreddit daily.

But the best thing about the wedding subreddit is that it gives brides and grooms a place to discuss their weddings as much as they want

"Having planned a wedding for the past 10 months, it's on my mind a lot," Rodriguez said.

"I know that my friends don't want to constantly hear about it, so I'm understanding with them, and I don't want to constantly bring it up and make things about myself," she continued. "Being able to read other people's questions and comments and posting myself helps alleviate the constant thinking about it without worrying about bothering anybody."

Rodriguez also thinks the page stays positive because people only talk about their weddings on the page.

"People specifically seek it out because they are either planning on getting married or daydreaming about it and looking for ideas," she said.

"It's generally neutral territory," Rodriguez added. "It doesn't get political, which I think can bring out the worst in people and kind of attracts drama."

The sub also gives brides and grooms a place to talk about their problems without judgment. "There's just so many emotions and opinions from everyone while planning, so it's nice to be able to go somewhere where not everyone has something to say and you can just vent a bit," Pilkington said.

Meyer added that the subreddit makes engaged couples feel less alone.

"There's always someone who has been through what you're going through or is going through it now with you as well," she said, adding that she's met people in the group who have been married for years and still go to the page to offer support. "They can empathize about something that happened in your wedding planning process without emotional baggage."

You can visit the wedding subreddit here.

• Read more:
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• Wedding-shaming Reddit calls out a woman standing next to a tone-deaf 'Brides Lives Matter' sign
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