- We're a family of four who all live under one roof and contribute monthly to the cost of the home.
- My two adult children pay a fee that covers their utilities, phone bills, and a family gym membership.
This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with 60-year-old Sheila Anderson, a retiree in Maryland whose adult children live at home with her and her husband.
My two adult children have lived at home with my husband and I for nearly two years now, but our arrangement is a bit different than other families who make this decision.
In the final months of 2020 — one year after she graduated from college — doctors discovered a brain tumor in my now 25-year-old daughter Alicia just after she lost her job as a manufacturing engineer in southern Virginia. As her parents, we encouraged her to move back home to the Baltimore-area for better work opportunities, and so that doctors at Johns Hopkins Hospital could keep a close eye on her.
After a surgery to remove the tumor in January 2021, Alicia needed physical therapy three times a week, so it made sense for her to keep living with us. She couldn't walk right away, so I was there to walk her dog and help with daily tasks.
When my daughter first moved in, we thought we'd just see how things went with her health issues and job-hunting. She eventually found a job she could do remotely, and a few months after she was hired, my husband and I said, "OK, you've got to start paying rent."
Now, Alicia pays about $400 each month in rent to live with us. The monthly fee covers her cellphone bill, part of our family gym membership, and general utilities. At this rate, she's been able to pay her bills and stay out of debt, and she has more disposable income than her friends who are paying more in rent.
They're not teens anymore
In May 2022, my son followed her lead and moved back in with us although he's away weeks at a time for work. He'd decided he wanted to save up money right out of college instead of getting his own place. When he first moved in, we allowed him six months rent-free before we asked him to start paying rent last month.
He was a couple weeks late on his first payment, but he still hasn't paid rent for February. I've already asked him about it, so now it's up to my husband to make sure he pays us before March.
With my daughter, it's a lot like having a roommate because she does her own laundry and cooking. She has her own schedule for work, so we don't really see much of her during the day. I don't really have to worry about her when she goes out because she's not a teenager anymore. She's an adult, and as of now, she's recovered – what she does is her choice.
Although our situation is unique, I definitely think at a certain age adult children need to move out. For now, it works out fine because we respect each other's space. And, it's nice to have the tech savvy younger generation around to help us out, or just do chores around the house that are difficult for my husband and I to do.
The unknown
We weren't expecting either of our two children to live at home again once they graduated, but young adulthood is the time for them to do so if they need to save up money to afford their own place. That's what our son has done, and he's planning to move out in the coming weeks.
With Alicia, it's still sort of unknown because we don't know if her tumor will come back. She could move away, but what if she needs chemo, radiation, or surgery?
For right now, it makes sense for her to be here. Down the road, if she's stable for a long time, she may want to move out. We'll just have to wait and see.