- My kids are 5 and 7 now, but I struggled a lot in the early years of being a mom.
- A viral
TikTok about how the best years with our kids are before they turn 4 triggered me.
Five years ago, I was a mom to a newborn and a 2-year-old. I struggled with postpartum depression, sleep deprivation, and was worn out from being needed all the time.
I felt guilty that I found it so hard, and I dreamed of a time when it wouldn't be.
When people said things like, "Enjoy every moment, it goes by fast," it felt like a punch to the gut.
In a recent viral video on TikTok, Jordan Peterson — a controversial psychologist, author, YouTube personality, and fathers'-rights advocate — says in a voice-over: "You have little kids for four years, and if you miss it, it's done."
That's exactly what I struggled with, but now that my kids are older, I want other moms who are struggling like I did to know that our kids are fun past their 4th birthday.
Being a parent to big kids is great, too
When my kids were little, I felt guilty for wanting time away from them. I felt shamed by some moms with older kids who ignored my struggles and instead told me, "It'll be over before you know it."
Every day seemed to drag. I wanted to create magical moments for my kids but struggled to do that through my depression and exhaustion.
Now that my kids are 5 and 7, I get to sit at the dinner table and talk and laugh at their jokes. I get a front-row seat to their ideas, hopes, and dreams. They can communicate their needs more effectively and they can keep up on family hikes. They are so much more independent and a joy to be around.
Because of all this, I felt compelled to create my own version of the Peterson video on TikTok. I wanted to give a different perspective to parents who might be struggling as I did in the early years.
@diaryofanhonestmom a different perspective #motherhood #parenthood #parenting #momlife #momoflittles #momencouragement #4years ♬ Emotional Piano Instrumental In E Minor - Tom Bailey Backing Tracks
This is the text I wrote to go with the video:
"You have little kids for four years. And if you miss it … Well, you won't miss it, because chances are you're with those babies all day and all night and you know little else in those years.
You have sacrificed your time, your body, your career, your energy, and likely your mental
Of course, you want to enjoy as many moments as possible, but the reality is, those four years are some of the hardest, exhausting, patience-testing years, and sometimes you're just surviving.
You're already acutely aware of how precious it is and constantly reminded how fast it goes. You already feel the pressure to make it great and feel guilty for the things you do and don't do.
Of course, you want to make the best of it, but when you lack sleep and space for yourself, it makes it incredibly difficult to soak in.
And while you might look back and miss those little years and mourn what you were not able to fully experience due to the stresses of it all, you will remember the beauty of it all without the sheer exhaustion.
And you'll know you did your very best, despite how hard it was. And you'll have so many more years to look forward to with them. It doesn't end after 4."
My version also went viral
Within minutes of hitting "post," I started getting thousands of responses from moms around the world thanking me and sharing how triggered the original video made them feel: shame, guilt, and pressure.
As a mom, I want to be seen, to be heard, and to be validated when I say, "This is hard." I worry that I am not enough, no matter how hard I try. Raising kids is incredibly difficult, but being made to feel like you've lost your chance if you don't nail it in the first four years makes it even harder. I needed something different than the "you'll miss it" narrative.
I needed support, not more pressure.
Libby Ward is an anti-mom-shamer and mental-health advocate on a mission to change the narrative of what it means to be a "good mom." Known as the "honest mom" to her social-media community, she is a content creator, public speaker, and storyteller breaking cycles of all kinds, one piece of content at a time.