A white father went viral on TikTok for pointing out his adopted son's skin color, sparking debate about how interracial families should discuss race

• A couple went viral on TikTok with their "first" talk about skin color with their adopted son.
• The video sparked discussion about whether young children are old enough for such conversations.

When a couple posted a TikTok about their "first skin color conversation" with their adopted son on February 25, it went viral, sparking huge amounts of controversy in the comments section from people debating whether young children are old enough to discuss race.

Steven and Ashley Evans run a TikTok account called @happilyevansafterr, where they share updates about raising an adopted son with their 1.2 million followers.

The video, which has 11.5 million views, showed Steven Evans, who is white, speaking to Abriel, his 2-year-old Black son. He asked Abriel, "What color are you?" to which Abriel answered, "Brown." Steven then asked, "Is daddy brown?" and Abriel responded "no."

The TikTok received thousands of comments, many criticizing the parents for talking to their son about race at such a young age, while others supported them. "Kids don't see color. He sees daddy," a top comment with 57,000 likes said. "I think it's important to be aware of our differences and embrace them, rather than pretending like they don't exist," another comment with 14,000 likes read.

The Evanses told Insider their intention wasn't to encourage people to follow their example, but the controversy in the comments section suggests some viewers may perceive their content that way. It serves as a reminder that most TikTok parenting content — despite often going viral — isn't based on peer-reviewed sources like academic research and books, which experts say are the best resources for advice on how to educate a child, and warn that viewers should not try to emulate the behavior they see on social media.

Experts also told Insider it's positive to talk about skin color when a child is young, but the Evanses' video was not a perfect example of how to have these conversations.

Transracially adopted children should not be raised in a 'colorblind' atmosphere, experts say

Ashley and Steven told Insider they filmed the conversation with Abriel because they noticed he was making observations about his own skin being "brown," and wanted to have an "open conversation that it's okay to look different." Ashley added, "A Black child has different hair and skin needs. We have to see his color to be able to properly care for him."

When a family adopts a child of a different race, it is known as a "transracial adoption." Anthony Hynes is a training specialist at the Center for Adoption Support and Education and is also a transracial adoptee to white parents. He said the Evanses were moving in the "right direction," because transracially adopted children should not be raised in a "colorblind" atmosphere.

"We know from research that when parents aren't introducing their children to conversations around race, they often grow up to feel racially inauthentic and isolated," he told Insider.

The viral video is not a perfect example of how to have these conversations

Hynes said that as well as pointing out differences in skin color, transracial adoptees can benefit from parents "throwing love upon that difference," saying they think their child's brown skin is "beautiful," for example.

Dr. Susan Branco, a licensed professional counselor with research interests in transracial adoption, told Insider that parents should also be careful not to exoticize a certain skin color by saying things like "I wish I had your skin color, it's so beautiful."

This can exaggerate how important the child's race is, instead of embracing them as a "whole package," she said.

Branco said another way to improve on the conversation in the video would be to point out similarities as well as differences, as this can help the child feel less alienated from their parents.

Conversations like these are a great opportunity to say things like "we both have eyes or we both have noses, even though our skin color is different and hair texture is different," she said.

Experts agree parents should not copy behavior they see on TikTok without consulting more reliable sources

Ashley and Steven said they don't want to "tell others how to raise their children," as they are still learning about how to best care for a Black child themselves. They said they don't post videos about adoption to advise other parents, but mainly to "show the world" how much they love their son.

However, the Evanses' videos often attract comments from people and parents who are also in interracial families. Branco said it can be a problem when families look to TikTok for parenting advice, or when they try and copy what they see in these videos.

Because TikTok videos are often short and engaging, their format "limits full contexts to be offered and discourages dialogue," she said. Even when the advice is accurate, a short video doesn't qualify as a "productive discussion" about whether other parents should replicate the behavior.

For example, Hynes and Branco both said it's important that a child is not the only person of color in every situation. Hynes recommended that parents in America join a Facebook group that connects them with other interracial families, so their children can meet other kids in similar situations, and recommended educating them about racism, particularly as they reach pre-school age, as this is when they can become exposed to bullying from other kids.

Branco said that ultimately families should always "go beyond the 30-second" TikTok videos by consulting "validated and even peer-reviewed sources," such as books, research, webinars, and post-adoption counseling services.

For more stories like this, check out coverage from Insider's Digital Culture team here.