A thriving YouTube community of people with multiple personality states went viral. Then controversies fractured it down the middle.
- Dissociative identity disorder, formerly known as multiple personality disorder, is a psychiatric disorder in which a person has distinct identities or personality states, called "alters."
- A YouTube community centered on the disorder was thriving just a few months ago, with creators making educational videos about living with DID.
- DID began trending on YouTube when Anthony Padilla, a popular interviewer, made a video featuring a creator with DID. Then a controversial YouTuber, Trisha Paytas, made waves when she said she had multiple personalities.
- The attention put a spotlight on the community — but it also brought criticism that sowed discord among DID creators on YouTube.
On YouTube, makeup challenges are common. But this one didn't go according to plan.
A YouTuber who goes by TeamPiñata applied dark eyeshadow all over their partner's face. DissociaDID, also a YouTuber, looked like a panda with blackened eyes thanks to their haphazard techniques.
But the bad makeup application wasn't what was out of the ordinary. DissociaDID glazed over halfway through the video. The YouTuber suddenly took on masculine mannerisms and stiffened up.
"I didn't sign up for this," DissociaDID said with an Essex accent that wasn't present before. "Nin, where did you go?"
Without context, the scene would seem bizarre. But for Chloe Wilkinson, the legal name of the creator of the DissociaDID channel, the sudden shift in personality is the norm. They have dissociative identity disorder, previously known as multiple personality disorder.
DissociaDID quickly became a prominent YouTuber in the DID community
The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders describes dissociative identity disorder, or DID, as a psychiatric disorder in which a person shows at least two individual identities or personality states — known as "alters" — that can manifest through the person's behavior.
Wilkinson was diagnosed with DID after taking a leave from university. In 2018, at 21 years old, they launched their channel to educate their close friends about the condition.
Wilkinson's early videos tackled frequently asked questions about DID: What are alters? How do alters communicate and come to the surface? Is there a treatment for DID?
As the channel gained traction and subscribers, Wilkinson's content evolved. Subscribers wanted to meet the different alters in the "system" (a term DID creators have used to describe a collection of alters) and hear Wilkinson's reaction to negative portrayals of DID in the media. Some even requested makeup tutorials from the various alters.
Wilkinson delivered, posting videos that showed switches between alters and illustrated the inner world in which the alters operated.
As Wilkinson captured in the makeup tutorial, alters may emerge unexpectedly after being triggered. Triggers can be positive, such as a stuffed toy that brings out a juvenile alter, or negative, such as a reminder of past trauma.
"Oh my God, please, just give me 10 minutes. Just let me film," Wilkinson said in one video as they dissociated and other alters emerged.
While Wilkinson often used the pronoun of the alter that was speaking while filming, they frequently used "they" and "them" to refer to the group of alters, also known as a system.
The decision to share their life on YouTube took Wilkinson on a journey they couldn't have anticipated, gaining DissociaDID a massive following and propelling them into the world of A-list YouTube drama that would eventually fracture a thriving community.
Experts say DID is a trauma disorder developed in childhood to protect the brain from harm and abuse
Experts believe DID is the result of a personality fragmenting as a means of self-protection, cutting off memories and trauma from some parts of the self to make life more manageable. Wilkinson frequently addressed the believed causes of DID in videos, often alluding to experiencing severe trauma in childhood.
Robert T. Muller, a professor of clinical psychology at York University in Toronto who has over 20 years of experience working with people with DID, told Insider that the condition is usually, if not always, "a reaction to horrific, traumatic events that have happened early in childhood."
Good research on DID is relatively new, he added, which makes people with the disorder easy targets of skepticism — even among medical professionals. Misinformation about the disorder that's circulated online and furthered in media portrayals isn't helped by some in the psychiatric community making light of it, he said.
As Wilkinson said in several videos, speaking about the disorder invited rampant speculation and skepticism from viewers. Their diagnosis and the existence of DID at all were questioned constantly — and most fiercely — on Kiwi Farms, a forum where online figures are investigated and vilified, almost to an obsessive degree.
"It's a very scary thing, it's a very odd thing, so people doubt its reality," Muller said. "So I'm not surprised to hear that there are people online who have been sidelined, viewed as faking it, viewed as liars."
He said people felt the same way about post-traumatic stress disorder before the psychiatric field had a term for it. DID and PTSD are trauma-based disorders — "a response to overwhelming true events that occurred," Muller said.
The drama inherent in the idea of DID "makes it an interesting subject of fantasy and fiction and fictionalization, and it's very amenable to metaphor," he added. "Sometimes some of the misconceptions are that these people are very dramatic and it's a way in which they show off their different identities. Usually, this is really not the case."
There is some debate among psychiatrists about whether DID is a combination of several other disorders or something different. Muller said this is largely because of poor communication of the research and because reliable research is still in its infancy.
"We're still relatively new in getting that message out there," he said. "So I think that's part of the reason that there's so much confusion."
People with DID often live difficult lives and can struggle in relationships because of fears of abandonment, Muller said. Accusations of lying about their diagnosis or chastisement for their behavior can have severe effects on their well-being.
"If there are trolls on the internet who are going around saying you're lying, you're faking, that would feel absolutely humiliating and shaming," he said. "That could have a very strong impact on them in terms of thinking about suicide or feeling that they're unwanted in the world."
Wilkinson said their channel was designed to destigmatize DID and bring a personal perspective to the online discourse
In under two years, the DissociaDID channel surpassed 1 million subscribers. Beyond educating people about the disorder, YouTube fame facilitated community-building with other people with DID, Wilkinson said.
"When I started my channel, I really did feel like the only person in the world with this disorder," they told Insider in an interview. "When DissociaDID kind of reached new levels of [visibility], it was the most affirming thing to be able to build a community not just for our system but for others who felt like they were alone."
Finding a balance between shedding light on the disorder and maintaining privacy, however, proved difficult.
Wilkinson reached a new level of internet fame when Anthony Padilla, a YouTube creator with 4.8 million subscribers, interviewed them for his "I Spent a Day With" series. The interview, published on March 4, covered the basics of DID and showed Wilkinson switching personalities three times.
The segment caught the attention of another YouTuber, Trisha Paytas, who has nearly 5 million subscribers and has confessed to trolling in the past. On March 12, she posted a video, which has racked up 1.7 million views, in which she said she had multiple personalities. She mentioned DissociaDID and said the YouTuber "seemed crazy."
Paytas' videos were met with intense skepticism from the DID community, which has struggled to legitimize treatment of the disorder. Critics said Paytas' attempt to excuse past bad behavior by blaming it on another personality was harmful, perpetuating a "Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde" stereotype about DID.
Wilkinson posted two responses to Paytas. In one, titled "TRISHA PAYTAS – THE IMPACT," Wilkinson detailed the effects of Paytas' comments on the DID community.
"We've seen a lot of other systems splitting, new alters being created, people saying that, you know, they ain't ever going to tell anyone else about their DID because of stuff like this," Wilkinson said in the video, adding that "it's been very damaging for the whole community, and that's been very difficult to watch."
The new visibility posed challenges for DissociaDID and their partner, resulting in them fleeing the internet
DissociaDID and TeamPiñata, who met via YouTube and began a long-distance relationship in late 2018, were arguably the two most popular DID YouTubers. Their channels steadily gained subscribers over the past year — TeamPiñata to 100,000 and DissociaDID to over 1 million. Their subscribers celebrated when they got engaged last year.
But the attention from Padilla's interview and Paytas' involvement in the online discourse spurred louder allegations from commentators that they were faking the disorder and manipulating followers, as well as concerns over old disturbing artwork.
A YouTuber named Vangelina Skov covered everything that unfolded in the DID community on their channel, bringing in thousands of subscribers.
Early on, Skov said, the couple was accused of cultural appropriation because they said they had alters of different races. In several videos, DissociaDID described one alter, Nadia, as Black and said her heritage involved "Native American influences."
As one DID creator of color explained in an Instagram post, this framing can have harmful implications. "Alters do not know what it's like to be a separate race or ethnicity than the body because they are all treated based on how the body looks," they wrote.
Wilkinson addressed the issue in a YouTube video and apologized with a statement on Instagram, saying that a literary character might have had an influence on the alter.
"Due to a life of white privilege our brain cannot comprehend the lived experiences of generational racial trauma, racial oppression, heritage and culture that are involved," Wilkinson wrote.
Wilkinson did not disavow the alter, though.
Criticism of the couple intensified over a darker situation that surrounded TeamPiñata, whose legal name is Nanette Zúñiga.
Zúñiga came under scrutiny for artwork — which was posted on their old Tumblr account and resurfaced on Instagram — in which they described their "sneeze fetish" in detail, with NSFW cartoons depicting clearly juvenile characters, such as the Powerpuff Girls, in sexual situations.
Zúñiga defended the drawings in a livestream but subsequently deleted their YouTube channel and disappeared from social media.
The Alternative System, another DID YouTuber, said the discovery of this art and the reactions of Zúñiga and their fans was traumatizing to some people in the DID community, many of whom are survivors of childhood sexual abuse.
"The impact of the behavior of these two systems caused an uproar in the community," they told Insider. "A lot of us had great emotional distress. A lot of us had a lot of hate thrown our way and even death threats for speaking out against these systems."
For people with DID, aspects of the disorder can lead to feelings of shame and regret
Muller said that people with DID lack the ability to have full control over the different parts of themselves. Most people can put on different "hats" — be it the colleague, the boss, the parent, or the lover — but having DID means this ability is "severely compromised," with different alters speaking, interacting, and behaving on their own whims, he said.
They can do and say things that later on they may have no memory of, which can lead to shame, embarrassment, and fear of the repercussions, he said. They blame themselves for not having the control to stop themselves, he said.
Muller said he didn't know Zúñiga's case. But he said that people with DID are no more dangerous than other people, adding that when people with DID share artwork, it's part of themselves, and it is usually accompanied by feelings of vulnerability.
Wilkinson said on Instagram shortly after Zúñiga's pictures were discovered that they had no idea the images existed and that they needed to take some time off YouTube. They said they attempted suicide during the break and were working on their mental health. They have since said they are no longer in a relationship with Zúñiga.
The DID community is healing after the disruption
Zúñiga expressed sadness about the DID community being torn apart when they left YouTube.
But Skov told Insider the community was not necessarily damaged, because not everyone accepted the couple in the first place. The Alternative System, for example, accused DissociaDID and TeamPiñata of presenting a sensationalized, dramatic depiction of DID.
Without the couple, Skov said, the small DID community that predated them on YouTube can continue their videos without the fear of drama.
"After the Anthony Padilla video, there were a lot of new eyes on the community that hadn't been there before, so for a while it seemed bigger than it was," Skov told Insider. "But after everything's sort of died down and Trisha Paytas went away, the community kind of went back to normal."
There was a lot of fighting and tension for a while, Skov said, but now it seems to be back to what it was: a small pocket of the internet for people with DID to communicate, spread awareness, and feel safe.
Wilkinson declined to comment on the shifts within the DID community, citing a need to focus on their mental health and safety during a break from social media. DissociaDID has since posted a few times on their community tab and set up a drawing competition for fans, but they have mostly remained offline.
They posted their first video in months on Tuesday to promote their Patreon. They said that while they missed their fans, they weren't ready to return to YouTube just yet.
"We've been thinking of you this whole time, but it's been a journey. It's been a time," they said. "We've been having a time. We genuinely have missed you all so much."
They said they had "a little bit further to go" in their healing before they could start making educational videos again, but they hinted that it would happen soon.
"We're still here, don't worry," they said confidently. "We will be making videos again."
Read more: