A resurfaced clip from bestselling author Brené Brown explains why marriages should never be 50/50

• In a resurfaced 2020 clip, researcher and author Brené Brown critiques the "50/50" marriage rule.
• Instead, Brown says she and her husband share their energy levels on a scale of 0 to 100.

One of the most antiquated pieces of marital advice is that "relationships should be 50/50." On the surface, it makes sense that partners should strive to put in equal work. Plus, it's a motto that could especially benefit women, who often take on more emotional and physical work than their husbands.

But Brené Brown thinks "it's the biggest crock of bullsh*t," according to a recently resurfaced 2020 podcast interview from "The Tim Ferriss Show."

In a clip that's racked up over 31 million views on TikTok, the psychology researcher and bestselling author explained why she rejects this common marriage rule.

"It's never 50/50. Ever," Brown told Ferriss. Instead, she and her husband check in by telling each other their levels in terms of "energy, investment, kindness, patience." If one of them is at 20 percent capacity, and the other is at 80, the partner with more energy to give takes on more relationship duties like household chores or emotional support.

The result, according to Brown, is healthier communication and greater empathy in the relationship.

Expecting a constant even split encourages grudges

Isabelle Morley, a licensed clinical psychologist who specializes in couples therapy, told Insider that Brown is "absolutely right." Morley believes the 50/50 rule can get couples "stuck in a lot of score-keeping."

"That kind of mentality is incredibly counterproductive and not realistic," she added.

On the podcast, for example, Brown mentioned a period of time when her mother was sick and she was understandably more drained and in need of support from her partner. According to Morley, when one person just can't give that much, it's important to recognize that "standards may temporarily fall," such as dishes not being done as quickly.

Being honest about limits promotes trust and empathy

Of course, there are times when neither partner is doing well, and no one has anything to give.

When Brown and her husband are both running on empty, she said they "sit down at the table anytime we have less than 100 combined and figure out a plan of kindness toward each other."

Morley said that it takes "a foundational belief of trust and security" to be able to hear your partner say they're at a 10 out of 100 and not start to point fingers or worry that you'll always be pulling more weight in the relationship.

"A key part of what she's describing is an incredible amount of empathy and understanding that they're each doing their best," Morley said.

You don't have to use number scores

While number scores are easy to remember, Morley said there are lots of ways couples can communicate the same message.

"What she's pinpointing is a shared language," Morley said. As long as it's mutually understood by both parties, you can use phrases like "burned out" or anything else that gets the point across that you need more help.

If you start to feel like the scales are still too uneven, Morley suggested using "I" statements and focusing on what you need, rather than accusations or assumptions about your partner.

For Brown, it's a system that has kept her marriage strong for 30 years.

"A partnership works when you can carry their 20, or they can carry your 20," Brown said. "And that when you both just have 20, you have a plan where you don't hurt each other."