A mom shares how she's learning to heal after the agonizing loss of her daughter — and what others grieving can do to cope with their pain

• In 2017, Michelle Hord's daughter was murdered by her husband.
• Hord's new memoir, "The Other Side of Yet," discusses her path toward healing.

In September 2017, three months after her 7-year-old daughter, Gabrielle, was murdered by her soon-to-be ex-husband, Michelle Hord hosted a memorial on a boat to celebrate the painfully short life of the little girl with music, joy, and tears.

The occasion — where a shell-shaped urn containing Gabrielle's ashes was set adrift in the ocean — was attended by 25 of her classmates and their parents.

"I gave each of the children a white rose to put in the water," Hord told Insider, noting that the kids then worked on an art project dedicated to their friend and danced on the deck to her favorite songs.

The former TV producer for "Good Morning America" explained why she invited Gabrielle's peers to the rite of passage in her new book, "The Other Side of Yet: Finding Light in the Midst of Darkness."

Hord wants to normalize grief

"It's so important that we normalize grief for them," Hord wrote in her book, noting that bereaved children will feel "confusing emotions" no matter how much well-intentioned adults try to shield them. She added that talking to children gives them the tools they'll require later in life.

"As a parent, you don't want to put your children through anything harsh, and you want to protect them. But I think we also underestimate their resilience and their ability to process complexity," she said.

Rituals and tributes can be part of the grieving

Hord believes that Gabrielle's friends were helped by their special afternoon on the boat. "While they were clear on this sad thing that was occurring, they were also able to have fun as well as other emotions," she said. "And that felt really healthy."

Gabrielle's dad, Neil White, smothered her to death on June 6, 2017, after meeting with his estranged wife to finalize arrangements for their upcoming divorce.

Police discovered her body in her bedroom after the child's nanny arrived at the home and saw paper towels with blood on them in the kitchen. She ran upstairs to check on Gabrielle and found White in the hallway. His wrists were bleeding because he'd tried to slash them.

"Gabrielle's caregiver walked into this crime scene and called 911," Hord said. The mom rushed from her office to the family's townhouse in New Rochelle, New York. She was met by cops who'd surrounded the place with yellow tape.

Gabrielle's friends miss their caring classmate

"My pastor was outside, and he told me that Gabrielle was gone," Hord said. "I was in shock."

A detective said White admitted responsibility while his injuries were treated at a nearby hospital. He said White had told him that he didn't want the second-grader to "suffer" as "a product of the divorce." But White pleaded not guilty to second-degree murder at his trial in June 2019. The jury ruled against him.

Hord read her victim-impact statement before her ex-husband was sentenced to 25 years to life in prison. She called Gabrielle her "thriving, bright-eyed baby" and said, "I now fight sometimes to breathe."

Hord says grief can make you stronger

During her court appearance at White's sentencing, the 52-year-old said she was also speaking on behalf of Gabrielle's friends. She talked in court about the nightmares they'd had about her murder and how much they missed her kind ways. "This is a statement for the children who wrote to me to say that Gabrielle was their first or only friend," she said at the time.

Hord went on to tell the court about her daughter's favorite toy, a doll called Barbara. The mom told Insider she puts it in her handbag every day and cuddles it at night. "Knowing this was the little doll she pressed against her face when she cried and held when she slept makes it more than a toy," she said. "Having Barbara with me feels like a closeness to Gabrielle."

Meanwhile, even though Hord writes in "The Other Side of Yet," that living without Gabrielle is like "being hit by a Mack truck," the devout Christian selected a hopeful title for her book. It was inspired by a Bible verse about trusting in God, even in the depths of suffering and despair.

"You don't leave the grief and loss behind, but you learn to carry it with you and get stronger as you go along," she said.

In February 2018, Hord founded Gabrielle's Wings, a nonprofit that gives children of color in vulnerable communities access to adventure playgrounds, books, computers, and other educational resources. The organization helps kids as far apart as New York, Belize, and South Africa.

The nonprofit also funded a colorful play space in New Rochelle, New York, called Gabrielle's Playground.

"I feel like I am carrying out Gabrielle's legacy of kindness and inclusion in this work," Hord said. "So I'm sure she's very proud."

She said she senses her daughter's presence everywhere. "I can hear her sometimes, too," the media consultant added.

Hord and her new husband honored Gabrielle at their wedding

In December, Hord married Axel Johnson, whom she'd met two years earlier, at the resort in the Bahamas where she once enjoyed vacations with Gabrielle. The bride and groom made sure to reserve a front-row seat in memory of Gabrielle. A second chair was set aside at the ceremony to pay tribute to Gabrielle's maternal grandmother, who died before she was born. Gabrielle's precious Barbara was a guest of honor and the doll perched on her chair.

"Gabrielle was a part of every piece of the wedding," Hord said.