A friendship breakup over not being 'a girls' girl' divided the internet. The polarized response shows we may be more biased than we think.

• A friendship dispute between two TikTokers has attracted the attention of millions.
• Onlookers have been taking sides and weighing in on the conflict with their own opinions.

Two TikTokers laid bare the breakup of their friendship for the internet, describing a messy "she-said, she-said" situation surrounding one woman's belief that the other was acting inappropriately towards her boyfriend.

The relatively low-stakes dispute has received an astonishing amount of attention since the two women posted their sides of the same story, and onlookers seem to feel compelled to take sides and share their thoughts.

Kelly Kim, a model and influencer, first shared the story in a TikTok video posted on November 7, although she said the events transpired months ago.

"Get ready with me while I talk about the ridiculous things that this girl who claimed to be a girls' girl has done to me," she began.

Kim said she'd never cut off a friend "cold turkey" before, but she believed an unnamed friend had acted inappropriately around her new boyfriend. The friend added her boyfriend to her "close friends" circle on Instagram, Kim said. She also borrowed his hoodie for two weeks and shared pictures of herself wearing it on social media, and began expressing interest in a brand he likes. Once, she bought him his favorite sandwich.

"I'm not even raging anymore. I just think it's kind of funny how hard this girl is trying. Honestly, I don't blame you girl, my boyfriend is cute," she concluded. "Goodbye and I wish you the best."

The video blew up, receiving 4.7 million views. Commenters on TikTok initially sided with Kim, though some questioned her lack of communication. "The hoodie thing alone would've made me spiral," one commenter wrote. Another added, "Crazy idea here: talk to her."

On November 16, 11 days after Kim posted her video, Joanna Lee, 25, an influencer and podcast host who lives in Los Angeles, posted a response to "clear up some misconceptions." She said she was the friend Kim was talking about, and it was "baffling" to learn of the friendship breakup on social media after repeatedly reaching out to try to resolve things privately. Her video went mega-viral, receiving over 8 million views.

While she acknowledged the actions Kim accused her of, she denied they were in any way an attempt at making a pass at Lee's boyfriend, and shared a completely different interpretation of the events. "I'm just notorious for not giving back hoodies," she said. As for the sandwich? Lee called it "an expression of my gratitude for mounting my TV."

In a follow-up video, Lee acknowledged how the hoodie incident could've been interpreted as "crossing boundaries," but said it "sucks" to have been portrayed as a duplicitous friend on such a massive scale.

Lee said she felt like she had to respond to the TikTok video to share her side of the story

Lee told Business Insider that she and Kim were friends, and she was confused when Kim stopped replying to her messages earlier this year.

She first found out about Kim's viral TikTok video when someone commented about it on her Instagram, she said. While her name wasn't used in Kim's video, Lee told BI that she connected the dots after watching it. "There was no way that she wouldn't be talking about me," she said.

Lee said that while it "didn't feel right" to come to the internet with such a private issue, she decided to post her own TikTok video to clear up misconceptions about her.

She said that she had a feeling that her video would get "at least 1 million" views, given the reach of Kim's video — but said she was still surprised by quite how viral it went, and that wasn't her motivation for posting it.

"I was only uploading because I wanted to clear things that were being said about me. So the views weren't my focus," she told BI.

It would have been hard to anticipate how far the story would reach, but when a recap of the friendship dissolution was reposted to X, formerly Twitter, on November 20, it received a staggering 115 million views. It's racked up over 30,000 responses as people furiously debated the merits of each woman's story, passionately defending the side they think is in the right.

A therapist explained why people may feel so strongly about this situation

While many tried to argue there was an objective right or wrong response to the situation, the side viewers are drawn to is more likely to be down to the lens through which they view the world, according to an expert.

Georgina Strumer, a licensed counselor based in the UK who specializes in helping women build relationships, calls this our "frame of reference." She told BI that people's experiences, beliefs, societal norms, and role models they're surrounded by growing up can all have an impact on how we judge these sorts of situations.

"We might be watching an identical scenario, but it will be filtered through our own personal frame of reference," she told BI.

Ultimately, it can explain why one person may view Lee's behavior as innocent, while another person may view it as flirtation and an act of betrayal.

These kinds of personal matters often cause debate and divide people online, and there's a good reason for it. Strumer said that we are automatically drawn to the side of the argument that represents how we would behave in that situation, and our reaction may be stronger because of our frame of reference.

"The only things that we have to go on in order to make a decision are our own experiences, which is why everyone gets so extreme in taking a side," she said.

Lee told BI that the response to the video has felt overwhelming, and that she has turned off her notifications. "People aren't the nicest online," she said.

Despite this, Lee said she feels "grateful" to be surrounded by people who are keeping her grounded. "They know who I am and they know my intentions," she said.

Kim did not immediately respond to Insider's request for comment.