10 things to consider before you have a kid-friendly wedding, according to an expert

It can be difficult to decide if you want to have children at your wedding or not.

Insider spoke to Kimberly Martir, the founder of My Fair Nanny, a wedding nanny service based on the East Coast, to get insight into how couples can decide if they want to have an adults-only affair.

Martir founded the company after trying to find childcare for the flower girl and ring bearer for her own wedding.

"I couldn't find a service that offered a sitter to come to the wedding venue, take care of the kids, entertain them, let mom and dad have a good time, come back, scoop 'em up, put 'em to bed, and that be that," she said. "So in 2011, we created My Fair Nanny to do just that."

The nannies from My Fair Nanny, who are typically hired by the couple getting married, can either care for children at a wedding, or they can take them to another location on-site. The service allows parents to fully enjoy wedding festivities, with the knowledge that their children are being cared for just a few steps away.

If you're having an evening wedding, it might be more difficult for younger guests to enjoy the event.

As Martir told Insider, even a wedding that starts around 5 or 6 p.m. will likely last until 10 o'clock, which is long past most little kids' bedtimes.

"It's such a long day, and they're so tired," she said. "So you really just want to make sure that the kids aren't sleeping under the table or on the seats. I've seen it so many times, and my heart just drops because that's awful for them."

If your bridal party is full of parents, it might make more sense for your wedding to be welcoming of children, or at least welcoming of children on-site, as Martir said.

The bridal party members will have to find childcare for the entire day and night if their kids aren't invited to the event, when they're already spending hundreds – if not thousands – of dollars to be part of your day.

They also likely won't be able to use free childcare that is typically available to them, as extended family members are probably invited to the event, too.

Destination weddings are sometimes difficult for guests of all ages to attend because of the added cost and planning required to get to the event.

But if you invite parents to your destination wedding, they likely won't be able to attend if their kids aren't welcome at the event, as Martir told Insider.

"They probably don't have a sitter at home that can watch them for three or four days," she said. Likewise, they can't just leave their kids in their hotel room with no one to watch over them during the wedding.

Music plays a big role in most weddings, and while blasting "Mr. Brightside" will be fun for your adult guests, children in attendance might not like it so much.

"I have seen kids with headphones on sitting at the table because it's so loud," Martir said. "They're in car seats just sitting there with headphones on their heads."

That situation doesn't sound like much fun for most children, so if you're hoping to have a big party vibe at your reception, it might be best to leave kids off the guest list.

A wedding is ultimately a party, which means you have to pay the costs of putting on the celebration.

Some of those costs vary based on the number of guests you have in attendance, like catering.

In 2020, the average catering cost per guest for a wedding meal was about $70, according to The Knot.

Martir told Insider providing meals for children at weddings is typically about half the cost of the "grown-up meal," but you'll still be paying for the kids to eat regardless.

Kids won't magically stop being kids just because it's your wedding day.

They'll run around, they'll talk when they're not supposed to, they could cry during your ceremony, and they might even knock things down.

Those things might not bother you on a normal day, but they could feel disruptive during a wedding.

"You really don't want fingers in your $5,000 cake," Martir said. "You want people to be a little bit delicate."

If you're imagining a more mature celebration, finding an alternative to kids attending is probably a good idea.

Children's temperaments can be hard to anticipate, and if a younger guest ends up in a bad mood on your wedding day, it might be stressful for both you and their parents.

"They might be so excited to be a part of the whole wedding all day, and then they have a meltdown," Martir said. "They're super unpredictable."

That unpredictability doesn't mean you shouldn't invite kids to your wedding; it's just something you should be aware of.

It's rare for a wedding venue to be designed with children in mind, so it's possible the wedding space could actually put children at risk, which means their parents will have to be on high alert throughout the event.

For instance, Martir said a wedding venue that features a lake or ocean can be dangerous for kids, as they could wander into the water. Fire pits and open flames on heaters can also cause issues, she said.

"They're not thinking about somebody who might have a 2-year-old running who's curious about what's going on with the fish in the water and falls," Martir said of venues.

Couples who are serving plated dinners shouldn't have to worry about mealtime causing issues with younger guests, but those who opt for buffets or who have food stations during cocktail hour might, according to Martir.

"A lot of them have stations with open flames," she said. "You definitely don't want a little one running around and poking his or her fingers."

Many of those stations also have large knives sitting out, which can be dangerous for children.

Parents can watch out for their kids in these situations, but as Martir said "it's hard" when there are "250 people walking around and you're trying to keep track of your little one."

For your friends and family, your wedding will be an exciting occasion. They will enjoy and understand the significance of you saying your vows, sharing a first dance with your spouse, and the ceremonial cutting of the cake.

But smaller children won't understand the meaning behind much of the hustle and bustle of a wedding, so they likely won't be as entertained. They could instead get bored, which may lead them to throw a tantrum, act out, or cause a distraction, Martir said.

You can provide alternative entertainment to keep kids engaged, but they might not have as much fun at the general wedding events.

Martir said a service like My Fair Nanny will allow kids to enjoy the kind of entertainment they like while their parents do the same.

With Martir's company, the couple getting married is typically paying for the service, so guests can drop their child off at free childcare and know that they're safe and happy and "not sitting there miserable at a wedding," she said, adding that it's "good for everybody all around."