Restaurant critic shares 7 things she'll never order out and the one menu item that'll make her avoid a place altogether
Alice Levitt
- I've been a restaurant critic for 15 years, and there are a few foods I never order when I dine out.
- I avoid ordering items that aren't made in-house, whether it's cheese plates or premade sweets.
I began my career in restaurant criticism in 2008 at Seven Days newspaper in Vermont.
In the past 15 years, I've also worked in Houston and the DC metro area, tasting and evaluating food. I typically eat at a restaurant at least once a day.
Though I hate to yuck anyone's yum, there are certain foods I avoid ordering out whenever possible.
Here are dishes you're unlikely to see me ever get at a restaurant.
Cheese plates feature a very avoidable mark-up.
Restaurant cheese plates can be fun, but I'd rather make my own cheaper version whenever possible.
When I want to sample regional cheeses, I go to a grocery store or cheese shop.
But I might order a cheese plate if I'm traveling or if the chef includes proprietary additions like house-made crackers and jams.
Cauliflower dressed as something else is still cauliflower.
I love cauliflower, especially in Indian dishes, where it appears as gobi. The only time I don't like it is when it's masquerading as something else.
Cauliflower "wings," cauliflower "steak," and cauliflower "rice" are all doomed to disappoint in their stated goals.
This also holds true for spaghetti squash. When it's presented as a vegetable, it's just fine. The problem arises when someone tries to convince me that it's pasta.
Spinach-artichoke dip isn't for me.
I don't order spinach-artichoke dip. In fact, I usually skip restaurants that even have this dated appetizer on the menu.
It's an especially popular dish at chain restaurants, probably because it's easy to crack out of a can or defrost from a freezer.
If a homegrown restaurant has chosen to serve it unironically, I question the taste and ambition of the chef. I think of this appetizer as the edible equivalent of a mirror selfie on a dating app.
Desserts not made in-house usually aren't worth my time.
I try to avoid ordering dessert if it's just been outsourced from somewhere else, whether it's frozen slices of cheesecake or premade pieces of flourless chocolate cake
Premade desserts fall into the category of things I could eat at home for cheaper but probably wouldn't even eat then.
Chicken breast is boring.
Ask most chefs, and they'll tell you: The chicken breast on the menu is for the picky eaters.
It's rare to find a chef apply any shred of creativity to the preparation of a boneless chicken breast. There are way juicier, more flavorful cuts of chicken to play with.
This also applies to a Statler chicken breast. Just because it's got a drumette still attached doesn't mean that I'm ordering it.
Fancier pizzas will never beat a greasy slice.
I'm originally from southern Connecticut, where I've always joked that upscale Italian is the native cuisine.
I've eaten my way from stuffed squash blossoms to tiramisu thousands of times over, but one thing I've learned is that the pizza at such places doesn't have the lusty greasiness I crave.
Order a greasy slice of pizza at a pizzeria and get handmade pasta at an Italian restaurant instead.
I won't order barbecue unless I'm at a true barbecue restaurant.
Similarly, smoking and barbecuing meats are such specific skills that I'm rarely satisfied with barbecue from a restaurant that doesn't specialize in them.
Yes, I've had fantastic upscale meals where smoke is applied to protein, but I prefer to stick with pitmasters when it comes to brisket and ribs.
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