This is the key to making a relationship work
Nov 19, 2019, 03:50 IST
Being in a relationship can be beautiful and exciting. Knowing that you have someone to bank on at the end of every day is really the only thing that one wants. However, with time, the relationship doesn’t seem all rosy like it did at the beginning. You realise there are multiple pieces of the puzzle that needs to be put together for the relationship to be truly complete.
Taking Small Things For Granted
Janice Kaplan, author of The Gratitude Diaries talks about the practice of gratitude and its importance in a relationship. She practiced it everyday for a year to prove this. According to Janice, when you’re in a long-term relationship, you begin to stop noticing small things. You get used to a certain way of living and land up taking your partner for granted. Psychologists call this habituation. We do this with people that we care about most. A survey that she and her team conducted says that people show gratitude toward complete strangers and forget to do the same for loved ones. You will say thank you to the mailman and the girl who brings you coffee but forget to say thank you for the little things your partner has done for you.
The Little Things Matter
It’s very easy to change this. All you have to do is be more observant toward your relationship. You must stop and recognise what your loved one is doing for you. If not that, at least stop and pay a compliment to your partner. Say thank you if the food is cooked well or mention that the other is looking good when they’re on their way to work. Small words of appreciation and admiration go a long way. The day ahead of you gets better if it starts on a positive and appreciative note.
Why Do We Hold Back?
Some people fear that showing gratitude will change the power dynamic of the relationship making the person look vulnerable. Others may begin to want the same appreciation in return and before you know it, they’re keeping score in the relationship. One must realise that the beauty and power of a strong relationship is that you are able to be vulnerable. You can let your guard down and trust that your partner will be your confidant through everything.
One can hope and believe that if the relationship has a strong foundation, both partners will begin to appreciate each other when one initiates it. If one partner makes and effort toward gratitude and the other doesn’t reciprocate, maybe there’s a bigger issue that needs to be addressed.
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Taking Small Things For Granted
Janice Kaplan, author of The Gratitude Diaries talks about the practice of gratitude and its importance in a relationship. She practiced it everyday for a year to prove this. According to Janice, when you’re in a long-term relationship, you begin to stop noticing small things. You get used to a certain way of living and land up taking your partner for granted. Psychologists call this habituation. We do this with people that we care about most. A survey that she and her team conducted says that people show gratitude toward complete strangers and forget to do the same for loved ones. You will say thank you to the mailman and the girl who brings you coffee but forget to say thank you for the little things your partner has done for you.
The Little Things Matter
It’s very easy to change this. All you have to do is be more observant toward your relationship. You must stop and recognise what your loved one is doing for you. If not that, at least stop and pay a compliment to your partner. Say thank you if the food is cooked well or mention that the other is looking good when they’re on their way to work. Small words of appreciation and admiration go a long way. The day ahead of you gets better if it starts on a positive and appreciative note.
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Some people fear that showing gratitude will change the power dynamic of the relationship making the person look vulnerable. Others may begin to want the same appreciation in return and before you know it, they’re keeping score in the relationship. One must realise that the beauty and power of a strong relationship is that you are able to be vulnerable. You can let your guard down and trust that your partner will be your confidant through everything.
One can hope and believe that if the relationship has a strong foundation, both partners will begin to appreciate each other when one initiates it. If one partner makes and effort toward gratitude and the other doesn’t reciprocate, maybe there’s a bigger issue that needs to be addressed.