I am a GenZ Indian woman who spent five years in the dating game. Here’s why I am choosing an arranged marriage now.

This is an as-told-to essay about a 25-year-old woman named Priya from Bengaluru, who has decided to ditch the dating scene and go for an arranged marriage instead. The story is based on a real conversation but has been edited for length and clarity.

Being a hopeless romantic, I spent the better part of the last five years on and off dating apps. Now, I realise that for someone looking for their “forever person”, they can be a colossal waste of time.

I matched and spoke with several people and even found people I felt that undeniable "zing" within the duration. But nothing ever materialised because these things weren’t just about chemistry; it was about aligning with someone who wanted similar things I did, and for some reason, I struggled to find that.

In between shuffling from one app to another, I was in two serious relationships with people I met very organically. I was fully invested in these relationships and hoped they’d work out. But when the second one fell apart a few months ago, I decided that the dating apps would not be seeing me again. Instead, I would turn to the trusty backup plan for most Indians: an arranged marriage.

Why an arranged marriage appealed to me

The idea of an arranged marriage has always been a part of my life. My family has strongly believed in it, and watching close friends and relatives find happiness through this route only reinforced that belief. But it wasn't just tradition or family influence.

After my last relationship ended, I realised I didn’t want to go through the exhausting process of convincing my parents to accept my choice of partner — something that's still a huge hurdle in my Indian family. I didn’t want to risk unhappiness or conflict if things didn’t go smoothly.

That’s when I decided I was ready for an arranged marriage. Once I made that choice, I stopped worrying about spending months or years with someone only to find we were on different pages once the initial excitement fades. Instead, I started focusing on what I wanted in a partner all along.

For instance, I am looking for someone who has a decent job that pays decently. I can support myself, but I’d rather not marry someone who has too many financial responsibilities. I want a partner who will be my equal in everything and be supportive of my career choices — since I wish to work until retirement. Most of all, I’d like someone who shares my interests and hobbies.

Steps I took to start my journey

I signed up as a premium member on two matrimonial apps. The process? Well, let’s say it’s not for the faint-hearted. I’ve swiped through about 500 profiles, filtering out the ones that didn’t match my expectations.

The first thing you notice on these apps is the person’s picture and it’s only natural for that to influence your decision, much like a dating app. If you like their bio, you get down to talking about the more “practical” aspects of life, such as earnings, financial goals, responsibilities, whether or not they picture children in their future, etc.

It was also crucial for me to find someone whose background and values aligned with mine. Caste was not an issue, but I wanted a partner from similar family background and upbringing to avoid potential personal or family conflicts later.

And yet, none of this is even remotely enough. I did come across people who seemed fine on the surface but turned out to be condescending and rude the more I got to know them. Finally, of all the profiles I went through, I shortlisted 3 candidates that I wished to meet. While attraction and all these other aspects are important, what really matters is the energy you feel when interacting with them in person.

As of now, I’ve met 2 of the 3 potential matches and I’m looking forward to meeting the third one (wish me luck).

What will my life look like post-marriage?

I don’t believe my life will drastically change post-marriage. Sure, I’ll have more responsibilities, but I’ll also have someone to share them with. My goal is to find a companion, someone I can explore life with, who’s comfortable with the idea of sharing everything, from household chores to dreams. A true partner.

Of course, I’m scared — fear of the unknown is natural. I still don’t know who my life partner will be, and that uncertainty is daunting. But my optimism outweighs my fear. I believe that I’ll find the right person, and that belief keeps me going.

Parting advice

If I had any advice for someone entering the marriage "market" — because that’s exactly what it is — it would be to take this step only if you truly want it. While I am content with my choices, I have seen couples benefitting from modern dating, too.

Secondly, don’t give in to societal pressure. Spend as much time as you can getting to know your potential partner. Indian parents tend to rush things and will likely push you to speed up the process. But remember, it’s your life. Stand your ground and make sure you’re comfortable with your choice. After all, this is about choosing someone who will walk with you through all of life’s ups and downs.