New York Times' restaurant critic Pete Wells is renowned for his honest and illustrious reviews of eateries.
Whether the spots are known for its fine cuisine or known for the opposite, Wells is there with thoughtful and honest feedback that readers have grown to love.
As 2015 ends, Wells' final note lands on the Times Square Señor Frog's, a chain restaurant with the tag line, "Have fun, let yourself go and unleash your fiesta." It's located anywhere you may find yourself on Spring Break.
Senor Frogs
Wells gave a glowing, mostly positive review of Señor Frog's, though ultimately ranked the establishment 0-stars for a "fair" experience.
The write-up begins with the word "Frogasm," and only gets better (or worse?) from there.
I had already danced in a conga line wearing a three-foot-high crown of yellow and orange balloons that made me look like Simba in a production of "The Lion King" staged by balloon animals.
In further point of fact, I had also eaten a foot-long chili dog presented on a skateboard. Consider, too, that outside Señor Frog's I had passed a sign promising that "Drinks go in, fun comes out!" (If nothing else, I was looking forward to seeing the restrooms.)
And he liked the food. Well, he liked the food that made it to the table:
One night I got just two of the half-dozen appetizers I had asked for. Another time, the starters showed up on schedule, but after nearly two hours the main courses still had not appeared.
"What happened to our food?" we finally asked.
"That's what I'm wondering!" our server said brightly. "Like, where is it?"
This is not Wells' first time at the Times Square restaurant rodeo. In 2012, much to the delight of readers, he reviewed Guy Fieri's American Kitchen & Bar. He rated his experience there as "poor," but got tons of mileage out of his published story, which was widely-passed around the internet.
Megan Willett/Business Insider
While he lauded Señor Frog's in some areas, he was nothing but harsh on Fieri's establishment. (Fieri eventually went on "The Today Show" to defend himself and the restaurant.)
Wells' review of GFAB&K begins:
GUY FIERI, have you eaten at your new restaurant in Times Square? Have you pulled up one of the 500 seats at Guy's American Kitchen & Bar and ordered a meal? Did you eat the food? Did it live up to your expectations?
Did panic grip your soul as you stared into the whirling hypno wheel of the menu, where adjectives and nouns spin in a crazy vortex? When you saw the burger described as "Guy's Pat LaFrieda custom blend, all-natural Creekstone Farm Black Angus beef patty, LTOP (lettuce, tomato, onion + pickle), SMC (super-melty-cheese) and a slathering of Donkey Sauce on garlic-buttered brioche," did your mind touch the void for a minute?
You really have to read the whole thing.
So Pete, what's next? Will you be spending New Year's Eve (and $400) at the Times Square Olive Garden?
Please say yes. Please.