The Apple Watch reviews are (quietly) brutal

Apple Watch reviews are out today.

At first, they seem positive.

For example, New York Times tech reviewer Farhad Manjoo writes that he "fell" for the gadget - "fell hard."

The Verge's Nilay Patel says it is "the first smartwatch that might legitimately become a mainstream product."

BloombergBusiness's Joshua Topolsky says "you'll want one…After using it, I had no question that the Apple Watch is the most advanced piece of wearable technology you can buy today."

But once you start getting into the details of what the reviewers say, it's clear: the reviews are brutal.

• Topolsky says that the Watch too often interrupts him with notifications while he's trying to do other things. "I'm in a meeting with 14 people, in mid-sentence, when I feel a tap-tap-tap on my wrist… A version of this happens dozens of times throughout the day-for messages, e-mails, activity achievements, tweets, and so much more. Wait a second. Isn't the promise of the Apple Watch to help me stay in the moment, focused on the people around me and undisturbed by the mesmerizing void of my iPhone? So why do I suddenly feel so distracted?"
• Patel says the Watch is too slow. "The Apple Watch, as I reviewed it for the past week and a half, is kind of slow. There's no getting around it, no way to talk about all of its interface ideas and obvious potential and hints of genius without noting that sometimes it stutters loading notifications."
• Manjoo says the Watch, unlike the iPhone or iPad, is not for "tech novices." " There's a good chance it will not work perfectly for most consumers right out of the box, because it is best after you fiddle with various software settings to personalize use. "
• Manjoo also says Watch apps don't work very well. "The Uber app didn't load for me, the Twitter app is confusing and the app for Starwood hotels mysteriously deleted itself and then hung up on loading when I reinstalled it."
• Manjoo says you have to use Siri to use the Watch, and Siri still stinks. "I grew used to calling on Siri to set kitchen timers or reminders while I was cooking, or to look up the weather while I was driving. And I also grew used to her getting these requests wrong almost as often as she got them right."
• Patel says the Watch, unlike the iPhone, requires two hands to use. "You simply can't one-hand the Apple Watch…because it's a tiny screen with a tiny control wheel strapped to your wrist, you have to use both hands to use it, and you have to actually look at it to make sure you're hitting the right parts of the screen.
• Topolsky says the Watch isn't a very good watch. "I've found the experience somewhat inferior to that with a conventional wristwatch, due to one small issue. The Apple Watch activates its screen only when it thinks you're looking at it…Think about the way people normally look at their watches, then make it twice as aggressive."
• Patel says it's not as good as an iPod at playing music. "Remember when turning sixth-generation iPods into watches was a thing? That nano did a great job of displaying a lot of music information on a tiny screen, and the Apple Watch does not."
• Patel says it's not a very good communications device. "There's no doubt that being able to send quick replies from your wrist is a powerful idea; it's the stuff of science-fiction legend, and every smartwatch has to be able to do it. But the Apple Watch is just the first step towards making that reality. It's not anywhere close to being an actually-powerful communications tool, especially not when it's competing with the phone in your pocket."
• Patel says the Watch isn't a great fitness tracker. "Out of the box right now, the Apple Watch is a very expensive, barebones fitness tracker. It's much nicer than its competitors - I used it with the white sport band and thought it was really quite striking - but it's certainly not more full-featured."

Manjoo sums up all the negativity with a dig disguised as a compliment.

He says the most impressive thing about the Watch isn't what it can do, but what he imagines a product like it could do someday.

"The most exciting thing about the Apple Watch isn't the device itself, but the new tech vistas that may be opened by the first mainstream wearable computer."

"For now, the dreams are hampered by the harsh realities of a new device. The Watch is not an iPhone on your wrist."