Esquire
Beginning with a long, detailed description of an Aztec human sacrifice, the author tries to loosely parallel the act to Megan Fox's Hollywood career, by referring to her as the last American Bombshell.
Vice has referred to it as "the worst thing ever written" while others have taken to Twitter to poke fun at some of the descriptions, (at one point her brow is pegged as a camouflaged butterfly"), and her even stranger quotes.
Throughout the piece, Fox is compared to buffalos, describes her love of the Book of Revelation, and shares about speaking in tongues at a young age.
The entire thing sounds transcendent, like something out of a sci-fi movie.
We've gathered some of the weirdest bits from the interview.