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In it, he says that we should aim to become someone who leaves people off just a little bit better after every encounter. To do that, you should be generous with your time.
He also says that we should be sharing our wisdom and recommendations. He's always in gift-giving mode, and one of those gifts - a Mekanism hoodie - helped him land Ben & Jerry's as a client.
The Soulful Art of Persuasion.Courtesy of Jason Harris
As the philosopher Christian B. Miller has written, for an act to be an instance of true generosity, a "person's motives in donating have to be primarily altruistic, or concerned with the well-being of those who would be helped, regardless of whether the donor will benefit in the process." The person who only comes around when they need something from you is, by nature, a sh-tty persuader. People like that suck the life out of us. When their name appears in our inbox, our day automatically gets a little more meh and we roll our eyes. And when they tap on our office door, we immediately think, "Jesus, what does this dude want now?" That person is going to have a hard time winning you over under the best of circumstances.
On the other hand, an individual who leaves you just slightly better off every time you encounter him or her is precisely the person who is likely to get your attention when they come to you with a proposition, need a favor, or want to change your mind about something. How do you become this type of person? Simple. Every time you interact with someone - whether it's at a business meeting or at a family gathering, at a ball game or on a dinner date - try to give something away. Treat all of your encounters as a chance to be generous.
If you commit to doing this, you'll find that generosity comes in many forms. You can be generous with money and always pay the bill, but money is actually the least meaningful thing you can give away. If you go into every encounter thinking, "What can I contribute? How can I give away something valuable?," the answer usually falls into a few basic categories.
I'm a busy guy. I run a company with offices in four cities servicing dozens of clients at any given time. I also have a family: beautiful wife, two great kids. And on top of that, I love to work out, travel, play music from time to time, occasionally hang out with friends, read books (and sometimes foolishly attempt to write them), and learn new skills. I'm a hard‑core doer. And for all of these reasons, I'm almost always strapped for time. There aren't enough hours in the day. This makes time one of the most valuable assets I have. And not just any time, but the kind of time that comes with attention and genuine patience. For me, being generous with my time means that whenever someone I know asks for some of it, my default answer is going to be yes.
For instance, if someone wants me to sit in on a meeting or on a phone call at work, my answer is yes — even if it requires me to move things around on my schedule. If my presence and attention can help in even the smallest way, I want to be there. If a family member, friend, or colleague needs a sympathetic listener, I try to be all ears. And if a coworker or friend screws up and wants to explain what happened, I let them have their say and then form my opinion.
I don't always nail this. Sometimes I just don't have the time to give on that specific day or week. But if it's even remotely possible for me to give my time to improve someone else's circumstance, then I try to do it. Not long ago my first instinct when someone asked me to give even a little of my time was to find a way to say no and get out of it — usually by explaining how busy I am. What I realized is that most of the people in my life already know how busy I am, which means they probably wouldn't be asking for my time if it wasn't important to them. And by investing your valuable time in other people, they are much more willing to invest in you.
Advice, recommendations, and information
Have you just listened to an amazing new album nobody is talking about? Or found a great out‑of‑the‑way restaurant that blew your mind? Maybe you read an article or book that was transformational. Maybe you had an amazing insight about work, or learned a lesson about parenting the hard way. If so, then don't keep these revelations to yourself. Rather, write them down in a notebook. Then think carefully about who in your life would benefit from that information. Finally, reach out to the person or people who came to mind. Rather than hoarding discoveries that have helped you, remember that wisdom is meant to be shared. And people love to be on other people's minds. It just makes them feel good.
Compliments and recognition
This might seem obvious, but it's easy to forget to praise others, especially if you yourself are feeling stressed or are just having a tough day. The truth is, noticing something positive about another person and expressing your appreciation honestly can change that person's day. I have to consciously work on this one. When you think of something positive, don't hold it in, say it. On this front, it helps to make your compliments as specific as possible.
Instead of telling a coworker, "Thanks for the hard work," tell her, "I know you've been busting your a-- these last few weeks on project X. I wanted to let you know how much I appreciate it because your work is having a positive outcome for the company" — and then go on to explain exactly what the positive outcome is. Similarly, if you experience success of any kind — whether professional or personal — think about who else played a role in achieving that victory. Odds are you didn't do it alone. So make sure to spread the credit around. Reach out to whoever contributed, share in the good news, and express your appreciation.
Maybe it's just saying, "Hey, that research you did really put us over the top in the pitch meeting yesterday." If your kid got into a great college, let his or her teacher know that the extra SAT prep they provided really made a difference. And let your significant other know that the hours he or she spent doing that extra thing for you both really paid off. Just make sure to be honest and specific about why. By the same token, when things go wrong, resist the urge to assign blame to just a single individual. You have to acknowledge what went wrong, but try to do it in an honest, clear, but also kind manner. Being generous in defeat is just as important as being generous in victory.
Stuff
Then there are times when expressing your generosity calls for actual, physical stuff. I'm talking here about gifts. Gift-giving is an art form, no doubt about it. It can also be a chore. Who among us hasn't been caught unprepared the day before Valentine's Day, an anniversary, or a friend's birthday, frantically searching online, weighing the pros and cons of a scented candle, bathrobe, or some other generic gift? It is very hard to keep up with all the dates and all the people you would want to celebrate. I never nail the dates. One way I've found to avoid this sad state of affairs is to be in gift‑giving mode all year round — not specifically around official, legally designated gift‑giving occasions.
What does that entail? For one thing, if I purchase something for myself that I'm super excited about or just find really useful, I make sure to buy another — or sometimes two more, if it's not insanely expensive. Could be a phone case, a tie clip, or the perfect space pen. Most often it's a book (when I find a book I love, I tend to buy multiple copies). Usually I have no idea whom I'll end up giving it to, which is part of the fun. This gift could sit in a drawer for months until I think of someone who would truly appreciate it or needs it at the time. But when the right occasion arises, I've got a thoughtful gift ready to go.
In this way, I make sure that when I find something I love, I'm also treating someone else I love.
The million-dollar hoodie
My agency prides itself on coming up with cool gifts to send out to our network: friends, family, and clients. Sure, a lot of companies have swag, but we try to make ours just a little bit different. For example, one year we designed a Mekanism hoodie that had the company name silkscreened in the same typeface as the Metallica logo. One year we chose a custom‑designed box of cereal with hidden toy surprises inside. Another year we sent out a hollowed‑out fake inspirational book with a branded corkscrew hidden inside. We want to get people wearing the brand or keeping the brand on their desks or offices.
In fact, it was a hooded sweatshirt that helped us land one of our oldest clients, Ben & Jerry's ice cream. I had met a representative of the brand, Jay Curley, at a conference I attended, and we got to talking. I'm a huge Ben & Jerry's lover, so I was just happy to meet someone from the organization and exchange information. I immediately added him to our agency's mailing list for free stuff like newsletters, conference invites, articles — and, of course, our Mekanism hoodies.
As luck might have it, about 10 months later Jay called to say that Ben & Jerry's was in the market for a new agency. He probably wouldn't have remembered our agency were it not for the fact that, he told me, he loved our Mekanism hoodie and wore it. We were invited to pitch the business, which we ultimately won. At the time of this writing, we've been their agency for six years. That 20‑something‑dollar sweatshirt rewarded us with a great client and millions and millions of dollars in revenue. Was I trying to land a bank shot that turned a free hoodie into a major company success? Nah. I was just trying to give cool merchandise away to a cool person that I met. And as it turns out, putting awesome stuff out into the world is a habit that pays unexpected dividends.
