How to tell if your boss is a demanding leader or an actual bully

Setting high expectations for employees and holding them accountable to them is not bullying if they expectations are fair and the employees have the resources to complete them, Faas writes.

But bullies masquerading as aggressive bosses will set unreasonable goals and will not provide the support for their employees to accomplish the tasks, he says. "Usually they use harassment and badger people to perform — this is a form of exploitation and bullying."

True coaching is helpful, but humiliation is just mean.

Faas writes that the distinction should be obvious: if your boss points out everything a certain employee does wrong in front of their coworkers without bringing up any of that employee's accomplishments or inserting any helpful tips or methods for improvement, then that's bullying.

"Even professional coaches can fall into this trap, heaping insult onto injury after a defeat," he writes.

Healthy competition is motivated by wanting to do well on the task at hand and focuses on both sides having fun and learning skills along the way, Faas writes.

He says an example of positive competition in the office would be two teams working to find the best solution to a problem. "Competitions like this can lead to startling innovation as teams share and learn from each other and lift each other up at the same time," he says.

Unhealthy competition, on the other hand, is motivated by wanting to beat others and the focus is on winning, Faas writes.

An example of negative competition in the office would be two individuals or groups fighting for their boss's approval, he explains. The two sides typically become defensive and stoop to undermining the other side through sabotage, gossip, and innuendo.

Outlining the good and bad consequences of an action is not bullying, it's being clear, Faas writes. For example, "Breach of this policy could result in disciplinary action, up to and including discharge."

But when explaining the consequences turns into threatening someone by throwing out comments like, "If you don't do this, you will be fired" in a nasty tone, then it's bullying, he explains.

"I was just joking" is not an excuse for bullying.

Faas writes that poking fun at coworkers is fine until the offensive comments are used repeatedly to offend, demean, and ridicule.

A safer bet to lighten the mood? Poke fun at yourself instead, he advises. Or just tell an office-appropriate joke that everyone can enjoy.

Being held accountable for your words and actions is healthy, but being threatened with retaliatory action for them is bullying, says Faas.

Hazing doesn't always end after college.

Sometimes employees will haze a new coworker, for instance, to initiate them into the company.

The bullies may brush it off as "harmless fun," which some pranks can be, but it turns into bullying when racial or homophobic slurs are used or if the victim is forced to perform disgusting acts.