"The Late Show With Stephen Colbert"/CBS
Before getting into Cruz, Colbert gave a fitting (read: swift) sendoff to John Kasich. The Ohio governor dropped out of the Republican presidential primary race on Wednesday.
"Yes, John Kasich has ended his bid for the White House," Colbert said. "He may be gone, but he is not... who are we talking about again? Kasich, yes. Let's take a look back at all the triumphs of John Kasich's campaign. There was Ohio... and he's gone."
With that housekeeping done, Colbert moved on to Cruz.
"Sadly, even in losing, tribute Kasich has lost," Colbert continued. "Because last night's big loser was Texas senator and half-kissed frog prince Ted Cruz, who joined the ranks of the fallen.
"But we have to give Ted credit. He went down swinging, even when hugging his wife," the host said as video of Cruz elbowing his wife, Heidi Cruz, played.
He also acknowledged the end for Cruz's prematurely announced running mate Carly Fiorina.
"Start to finish, her candidacy lasted six days, less than a full Shark Week," the host said with a laugh. "I believe we just received footage of Fiorina stepping down."
He then played footage of Fiorina falling off the stage during a Cruz rally earlier this week.
"Don't worry, she's fine as long as Ted Cruz doesn't try to hug her," Colbert said.
The host then reviewed Cruz's failed alliances. For example, his college roommate once said he's "a nightmare of a human being." And former House Speaker John Boehner referred to him as "Lucifer in the flesh."
But Colbert decided he'd give the last word to Donald Trump, or at least the show's animated version of the mogul.
"Lyin' Ted is lyin' in the ground. He ran a tough race, but he was really bad at it. And his father killed J.F.K. Pathetic," Cartoon Trump said.
Watch the "Hunger Games"-like sendoff for Cruz below: