Simone Biles described coping with suicidal thoughts after surviving sexual abuse from disgraced USA Gymnastics doctor Larry Nassar
- Simone Biles described coping with her sexual abuse during "Simone vs Herself" Episode 4.
- The superstar gymnast recalled sleeping "all the time" because it was "better than offing myself."
- "Sleeping was the closest thing to death for me at that point," an emotional Biles said.
- This article contains sensitive content that may be disturbing for some readers.
Simone Biles struggled to cope after she was assaulted.
The superstar gymnast was one of the hundreds who survived sexual abuse at the hands of Larry Nassar, the disgraced former USA Gymnastics doctor who used his position to harm athletes under the guise of medical care. And during the fourth episode of her Facebook Watch docu-series, Simone vs Herself, Biles described the profound impact the abuse had on her mental health.
At one point, the 24-year-old even explained that she had experienced thoughts of suicide.
"I remember telling my mom and my agent that I slept all the time, and it's basically because sleeping was basically better than offing myself," Biles said through tears. "It was like my way to escape reality. And sleeping was the closest thing to death for me at that point, so I just slept all the time."
"I was like, super depressed, and I didn't want to leave my room, and I didn't want to go anywhere," she added. "And I kind of just shut everybody out."
The five-time Olympic medalist said she had been abused at the Karolyi Ranch - the USA Gymnastics training center in Huntsville, Texas, where the best of the best long prepared for their biggest international competitions. But for a long time after her interactions with Nassar, Biles didn't realize she had been mistreated because "nobody told us what sexual abuse was."
"We didn't really feel like we were going through it or we were victims," she said. "A lot of us didn't go to school. We were homeschooled, so it's not like we had people to talk about it with."
And in one harrowing anecdote, Biles even described turning to a friend for advice on the matter. Even when the friend confirmed that Biles' experience "absolutely" qualified as assault, the world's best gymnast wasn't convinced.
"I thought I was being dramatic at first," Biles said. "... I feel like in those instances, I was one of the luckier ones because I didn't get it as bad as some of the other girls I knew."
Biles' mother, Nellie, said that her daughter "was in denial." Whenever she attempted to engage in a discussion on the topic, the 4-foot-8 superstar "would be very angry." So Nellie didn't force the issue, instead opting to give "her space until she was ready to talk about it."
When Biles was finally ready, Nellie remembered that she was "just hysterical."
"She didn't say anything," Nellie said. "She was just crying, and we just cried together because I knew what it was that she wanted to talk about. She didn't have to say anything."
As time went on, Biles developed strategies to cope with the trauma. Now, years later, she is an outspoken advocate for survivors of sexual abuse, and her voice was instrumental in the shutdown of the Karolyi Ranch.
These days, Biles typically sports a gleaming smile as she competes in - and dominates - the most elite competitions in gymnastics. But even in her brightest moments as "the face of gymnastics right now," Biles implored viewers to remember that "as a survivor, it doesn't go away."
You can watch the full episode of "Simone vs Herself," which first aired Tuesday, below: