Some People With Too Much Money Are Consulting A 'Water Sommelier'

For Martin Riese, still or sparkling is just the beginning: Certified as a water sommelier by the German Mineral Water Trade Association, Riese recently created a water menu for Ray's & Stark Bar in Los Angeles. "Water is not just water," says Riese, whose 45-page menu features 20 different bottles from ten different countries.

(Disclosure: I am, for better or worse, an Equinox member.)

In order to help its members avoid drinking the wrong water at the wrong time, Equinox asked Riese for some situational pairings.

He says Gerolsteiner is an ideal post-workout water because it "has a good amount of carbon dioxide, which makes for big, refreshing bubbles." I'm not sure a carbonated beverage is the right choice to follow a hard workout, but then, what do I know? I'm not a certified water sommelier.

What water should you pair with vegetables? Well, it depends on what kind of vegetables:

Iskilde from Denmark is a great water for a vegetarian mushroom dish because it has earthy taste notes. Beverly Hills 90H20 is the perfect pairing for a seasonal salad because it will cut through the acidity of a vinaigrette dressing and help balance out the flavors.

Unfortunately, this advice conflicts with a rule my parents taught me: Never buy a product whose name you can't say out loud without embarrassing yourself.

For breakfast, he recommends Fiji, because it's "refreshing." Well, yeah, it's refreshing because it's water.