How to tell if a long-distance relationship is going to work for you

Whether you're shelling out on train or plane tickets — or just gas for your car — the money you’ll spend on trips to see your partner adds up.

Over the five years my partner and I were together long-distance, I spent an estimated $10,000 just in plane fare.

There’s also the long-distance phone bills, care packages, and the usual anniversary, birthday, and holiday gifts that come with any relationship to consider.

Cost shouldn't deter you from pursuing love, but it can definitely be prohibitive.

It’s important to make sure your heart is truly in the relationship as things progress. Once the honeymoon period was over, I sometimes wondered what I was doing. Yes, I loved my partner, but did I want to spend the next few years settling for phone calls, texts, and video chats rather than having real-life experiences with someone in the same city as me?

Ultimately, I always came to the conclusion that the difficulties we were experiencing were all worth it in the end, and questioning our relationship actually strengthened it.

My friends are supportive, but they worried that investing so much of my time and energy in someone so far away wasn’t healthy and might make me unhappy. Having a long-distance, transatlantic relationship for years probably sounds a little crazy to anyone who hasn’t done it. But, I had faith in the connection I shared with my partner. Ultimately, that was enough.

Every relationship requires a willingness to meet each other halfway, but this is especially true when you’re navigating a relationship from afar.

I wasn’t keen on moving from New York City to a suburb in the north of England, but I knew that if we were going to be together, that’s what would have to happen. I was child-free with a job that allowed me to work remotely, while she worked an office-based job and had a teenage son.

Of course, I’m not the only one who was willing to compromise. Without both of us making some concessions in our lives, we never would have lasted.

My partner and I were so excited every time we planned a visit or a vacation together. We’d get a taste of what life together could be like, so the lows we experienced when we had to say goodbye were that much worse.

Every couple has to find their own way to manage this. For us, it meant assuring one another that the absence wouldn’t last long, and with Skype, we could “see” each other whenever we wanted.

While we tried to plan visits around birthdays and anniversaries, but it just wasn’t financially or practically feasible to fly thousands of miles for every milestone.

There’s nothing worse than not being there to open Christmas presents face-to-face, or not being able to wake your partner up with breakfast in bed on their birthday, and that’s often the reality in a long-distance relationship.

Every time my partner and I visited one another, we ended up packing our schedule with every possible thing we could in order to make the most of the short time we were in the same place.

We enjoyed ourselves, but being constantly on the go so we could take advantage of our time together often proved exhausting.

When I finally emigrated in late 2016 after nearly seven years together, it’s fair to say my partner and I were incredibly proud of how far we’d come and all the things we’d gone through during that time. Despite all the obstacles we faced — and believe me, there were many — we’d defied the odds and made it through stronger.

Not everyone is game for a long distance relationship and frankly, I wouldn’t blame them: There’s a lot of heartache involved.

But if it works out, it’s all worth it.