Long-Weekend Larry
This jackass has actually come down with a case of the Mondays, a little too conveniently taking sick days to extend their weekends and long weekends. So frequently, in fact, that you've come to expect the call. Their absence puts an unfair burden on those they work with, work for, and manage.
Jackass reaction: You choreograph an office-wide discussion about just how epic Monday was at work, to be performed each and every Tuesday. Include comments about bonus checks, free donuts, and pajama day attire.
Whisperer reaction: If this is your employee, you give it to them straight and privately let them know the pattern has been noted and won't be acceptable going forward. Mondays come each and every week, and you'll expect to see them bright and early, ready to work. If this is your coworker or manager, you file a complaint and let their manager speak to them. It's not your job to babysit them, but it isn't your job to take up their slack either.
Infectious Ian
Even though this jackass has the flu, they've decided to martyr themselves (and apparently you as well) and show up to work weak, red-faced, and sneezing. They think it makes them look dedicated, but it actually makes them look like a selfish jackass.
Jackass reaction: There are a few ways you could go here, depending on the strength of your immune system. You could approach the martyr, doing your best impression of the close talker from "Seinfeld," wait for the apex of their sneeze, and, as their mouth opens wide, cough right into it. Then run away apologizing for the tuberculosis they now have to be vaccinated against. Another option is wearing a hazmat suit like Dustin Hoffman in "Outbreak" or Brad Pitt in "World War Z."
Whisperer reaction: You'd rather deal with the sick martyr than Joe in accounting who gets the "flu" every long weekend. You keep your distance, wash your hands frequently, and eat your vegetables.
We're all the jackass and we're also all the whisperer, and sometimes the difference between the two is a cup of coffee and a well-timed commute into work. It's that easy. Say kind things to others, be considerate of their time, and share space more often than you share your own opinion.
For more jackasses and reactions, at work, at home, and on the road, check out "The Jackass Whisperer" by Scott and Alison. You can also submit your favorite (or not so favorite) jackasses at www.JackassWhisperer.com or email them to donkey@jackasswhisperer.com.
Scott and Alison Stratten (Toronto, ON, Canada) are co-authors of five (soon to be six) best-selling business books, co-owners of UnMarketing Inc., and cohosts of not only The UnPodcast, but five children, three dogs, and one cat. UnMarketing, the show, and the books all represent their thoughts on the changing world of business through their experiences of entrepreneurship, two degrees (Alison), not lasting long as an employee (both), and screaming at audiences around the world (Scott, Alison is more polite). They were put on this earth to remind the world that not all Canadians are passively polite. Businesses like PepsiCo, Saks Fifth Avenue, IBM, Cirque du Soleil, Microsoft, and others have been brave enough to want their advice. They now spend their time keynoting around the world and realize they rank tenth and eleventh in order of importance in their home. Oh, and they met on Twitter. How's that for ROI?