9 negotiation tips for people who hate negotiating

If you go into a negotiation doubting your worth, there’s a good chance you’re not going to get what you ask for. That’s why it’s important to be optimistic.

“Start from a positive posture, believe that you are going to succeed, and operate accordingly,” Joy Altimare, career expert and chief engagement and brand officer at EHE, told Business Insider.

Preparing for a negotiation is no different than the work you would do for any other important meeting. “Prepare in advance for a challenging conversation so that you can anticipate the questions and navigate based on the facts — not emotion,” Altimare said.

“Do some homework about what is possible in this situation, and don’t second-guess yourself before you get your ask out of your mouth,” Eby said.

When you find yourself in the heat of negotiation, Altimare said to keep the process moving by asking open-ended questions that help you navigate toward a solution.

It's actually quite simple: You ask the question, let the person answer, and then repeat the answer to help the other party feel as though they were heard.

“Even if the other side asks for something different first, still get your original ask on the table,” explained Eby. If you don’t, you will be negotiating what they want, not what you need.

From the moment you sit down to negotiate, your body language, eye contact, and word choice can have an effect on how the conversation is going to flow, Altimare explained. Be confident and use facts. “Always challenge first offers, even when it’s better than you were expecting,” said Eby. Otherwise, the other side will feel they didn’t get a good deal and you’ll wonder if you did too.

“Positions are what people want or ask for, but interests are ‘why’ they want it,” explained Eby. If you go into a negotiation only willing to battle your position or get what you want, then you lose out on the opportunity to identify and address your interests. You also lose out on the opportunity to identify shared interests.

If you can find common ground with the person you’re negotiating with, it might be easier for them to understand, and possibly agree with, what you’re asking for. In fact, you might be surprised at how willing they are to listen (and negotiate) if you start with “why.”

This tip puts you in a position of power and helps you find a middle ground. Eby calls it the: “Say yes, if …” line.

For example, “I’m willing to work weekends to get the job done IF you pay me overtime.”

“When you’ve reached an impasse and it doesn’t appear that you’ll be able to walk away with dignity and/or mutual respect between the two parties if you continue the negotiation, it’s time to stop,” Altimare said. Perhaps plan a time to revisit the conversation or take a break and decide on a different approach to reach your goals.