5 clear signs you're not an authentic leader

Many of the "management" communications that go out are so fake. They use big, fancy words. They are often written by someone other than the leader. And don't even get me started on the "on behalf of" emails.

The reality: People don't read them.

They smell inauthenticity a mile away. They don't want to read fancy words. They just want to hear from you like a human.

A former leader of mine, a prominent executive, sent out communications often — well, her communications department did. Then one day she sent out an email. No fancy header, no big words, and a note that was straight from her heart.

This was the first email of hers that I actually read top to bottom. And I responded to her as well. Before I never would have thought to reply to one of her fancy communications — where would it even go?

When I was CEO, I resolved to write my own communications. Sure, I had help every once in a while. But I can assure you that my team knew my "voice" — and knew when it was me and when it wasn't. I stood my ground on this principle at a time when the entire leadership team at our company had to send out organizational communications. I was the only one that sent my own, all in my own words.

Take a look at your emails and formal communications today. Do they inspire you? Do they tell a real story? Do they talk in a way that a fourth grader would understand? If not, experiment with changing them up. Tell your team a story. Use humor. Use humility. Use whatever is authentically you to communicate to your team and to others.

One of my favorite people in the world is Jennifer Rudolph Walsh, the literary agent behind many famous authors and public figures.

I once heard her interviewed on the goop podcast. She said that she only represents people that are the same in every room. Hallelujah sister!

You've seen it before. A leader is presenting at a big meeting. They're smiling, laughing, engaging. You think, I really dig them. And then you see them a little later in the lobby on a phone call or interacting with the hotel staff and they're a totally different person.

I always say that I can sniff out inauthenticity from a mile away. And a big part of that is simply observing how someone acts in different settings. If you act all nice-nice in the big setting, but then turn around and berate the hotel front desk worker for a minor issue, you're not an authentic leader.

Dig deep to understand and aspire to be a certain kind of leader. And then be that leader … everywhere. Treat every employee like they are your boss. Practice your leadership skills not just at work, but at home, too. Be the same authentic person everywhere.

Like many people, I thought early in my career that to prove that you were smart you had to have a lot of great ideas — and talk about them constantly.

How many times have you been in a meeting and the most senior person dominates the floor. When they have a point, everyone stops. When they don't, they're probably on their phone or computer.

I learned about 20 years into my leadership journey that as leaders — especially authentic ones — your job isn't to know all the answers. Your job is to ask the right questions.

I love Kevin Hancock's story and TEDx Talk. He was diagnosed with a rare speech disorder called spasmodic dysphonia, which led to a leadership awakening. When he was faced with the limited ability to speak, he learned the power of listening and asking questions.

Don't wait to lose your voice to start listening more and talking less. Ask questions. And not questions that make you look smart — questions that make the collective group smarter. Write down your thoughts and ideas on a sticky note or notebook so you can be patient, and wait to let others speak first. You'll be amazed at how smart other people are.

Don't be a hypocrite — I used to be massively guilty of this one.

Here's why hypocrisy is so damaging: People don't follow your words — they follow your actions.

You likely have a boss, too. How do you feel when they go on vacation but continue to check in and send emails? First, you probably feel sorry for them. Then you might feel confused. And certainly when you take your vacation, you feel like you have to do the same.

Stop talking about work-life balance. Demonstrate it. It's actually quite selfish if you don't. When I used to check and send emails on my vacation, it was primarily serving one purpose — me. I didn't want to have to deal with coming back to mounds of emails when I got back.

And then I realized the damage it had on my team. So I pulled way back on that.

One of the most impactful things I ever did in my time as CEO was when we had a client conference a few hours away. The last day of the conference was my daughter's 10th birthday. At first I thought, That sucks that I have to miss her birthday. But then I realized I didn't.

I drove back home that afternoon and picked her up. She came to dinner and to the hotel with us. I said a boatload of inspirational stuff at that conference. And it was all trumped by bringing my daughter to the event. So many people told me how much that impacted them; it showed them that they could find creative ways to balance and to not compromise everything else for work.

It wasn't what I said that inspired them. It was what I did.