Talking to your child like they’re a kid? Here’s why you might be doing more harm than good

When it comes to talking to children, many of us might instinctively simplify or even "dumb down" our language. But treating kids like they’re incapable of handling complexity can be more damaging than we realise. This practice, often labelled as "infantilisation," stems from a form of age-based bias known as adultism, where society assumes that children lack the capability to engage meaningfully with complex issues. Yet, research increasingly suggests that children, if given the chance, can think critically, contribute insights, and show remarkable understanding — even on major topics like environmental ethics and social justice.

Full-fledged citizens

Infantilising children can have several negative consequences, including undermining their self-confidence, stifling independence, and causing emotional dependence. Natalie M. Fletcher, a philosophy professor, argues that infantilising children restricts their potential to become active contributors in society. "Children are full-fledged citizens and not just future members of society," she points out. She highlights that children often have valuable perspectives, particularly on issues like friendship, where their thoughts are sometimes more nuanced than adults’ because these relationships are central to their lives.

In her work, Fletcher emphasises that denying children the chance to engage in thoughtful dialogue can lead to the exclusion of a valuable dimension of knowledge and understanding, limiting society as a whole. Encouraging philosophical dialogue in children can empower them to see themselves as agents of change rather than passive future citizens.

Kids need complex conversations

Infantilisation not only hinders mental and emotional development but also impacts children's ability to think independently. Experts warn that children constantly treated as incapable of handling complexity may struggle to develop essential skills like critical thinking and self-reliance. They might become overly dependent on authority figures, leading to low self-esteem and a reduced sense of autonomy as they mature. Encouraging children to express themselves and engage with challenging topics, on the other hand, supports their social and emotional growth, fostering resilience and independence.

Additionally, infantilising children often stems from a desire to shield them from life’s complexities, particularly from “adult” topics like climate change. Fletcher argues, however, that children should be allowed to discuss issues like environmental justice, as they are the ones who will ultimately inherit the outcomes of today’s decisions. Children dealing with eco-anxiety, for example, benefit from having open dialogues about environmental concerns, which helps them feel empowered rather than overwhelmed.

Raising independent thinkers, not passive followers

In Fletcher’s educational charity, Brila, children as young as five engage in philosophical discussions that promote critical thinking and active listening. This approach has been shown to help children view themselves as proactive thinkers. While parents may feel compelled to protect their kids from "too much too soon," providing age-appropriate explanations can prevent feelings of helplessness, giving kids the tools they need to become thoughtful, capable adults.

As adults, fostering independence and critical thinking in children means embracing their ability to understand more than we may expect. Treating kids like the complex, capable individuals they are doesn't just support their growth — it strengthens society as a whole. Encouraging kids to share their thoughts and respecting their input can lead to a future generation that's better equipped to face and solve the challenges of tomorrow.