People who got sick with the coronavirus while living alone describe their panic: 'I could be dead and decaying and no one would know'

• Living alone during an era of social isolation can bring on serious mental-health consequences and be practically burdensome, but getting sick with COVID-19 while living alone can exacerbate those issues.
• Business Insider talked to several people who got sick with COVID-19 alone about their experiences. "I could be dead and decaying and no one would know," one said.
• Others said the logistics of getting food and medicine were especially challenging.
• Some said they were grateful they lived alone so that they could have full reign of their homes and didn't have to worry about infecting family members.
• Visit Business Insider's homepage for more stories.

Marie Kearse has a high tolerance for loneliness.

The 57-year-old in New York is divorced and childless. Her entire family lives in Europe. And, she works as a flight attendant, often taking shifts on weekends and holidays, and never remaining in one place long enough to develop strong social connections on the ground.

But when the novel coronavirus hit New York City, forcing her out of work and into her apartment, she experienced a new loneliness low. People in her building's lobby avoided each other and her once-vibrant SoHo neighborhood became boarded up, emptied out, and littered with graffiti.

Then, she got sick with COVID-19, and sank even lower.

"I thought I could be dead and decaying and no one would know," said Kearse, who was diagnosed virtually due to symptoms including extreme fatigue, body aches, fever, and a loss of taste and smell.

"Even making the bed was impossible," she said, let alone finding ways to safely get food and medicine and monitor her symptoms with a foggy brain.

Kearse is one of several people around the country who told Business Insider about the challenges of getting sick with COVID-19 while living alone, from the fear of falling so ill they'll be unable call 911 to the practical burdens of acquiring food and medicine.

Some, however, said they were grateful they didn't have to worry about infecting housemates and many credited social media for keeping them psychologically afloat.

'I was petrified I'd take a turn for the worse and nobody would even know'

Even people who live with partners, roommates, or other caretakers say the fear of the unknown — particularly if you're truly getting better, or should brace for a "second-week crash" or a month-plus long illness — is the hardest part about enduring COVID-19.

"Not knowing if the pull in your chest is pneumonia or residue inflammation [is scary,]" Nathalie Eisenberg, who lives with her husband and kids in New York City, previously told Business Insider about her experience with the illness. "Will you live? Will you die?"

Living alone and having to assess the ups and downs for yourself is especially frightening. Trisha Weiss, who's in her 40s and lives by herself in New York City, said she remembers struggling to breathe while sitting on her bed, waiting for a telemedicine appointment.

"I didn't know if I was sick enough to call 911," she told Business Insider. "I certainly didn't want to overwhelm an already overwhelmed ER, but I live alone and was petrified I'd take a turn for the worse and nobody would even know."

She ended up going to the ER twice, once after fainting and once after a doctor listened to her symptoms and told her to call an ambulance. "If I didn't live alone, I probably wouldn't have gone that [first] time, but I was really scared."

Bevin Carnes, a 35-year-old animator in Santa Fe, said getting sick with presumed COVID-19 — complete with difficulty breathing and so-called "covid toes" — is one of the rare times she's questioned her decision live alone and far from family.

"If I lived with someone, I'd be terrified of giving them the virus, but going through this alone is equally terrifying when I don't know what this disease will do next," she said. "Will I have a blood clot? Will I be able to call for help in time? Will I suddenly develop new symptoms the way I suddenly developed my current ones?"

"Living alone it's really scary that you might be unconscious," Carnes added, "and therefore unable to call for help if it suddenly gets really bad."

'You have to play the sick person and the caretaker at the same time'

After spending more than five hours at the hospital shuttling between waiting and observation rooms and testing areas, Clarian North, a 33-year-old music producer in Montreal, was finally sent home and told to self-isolate.

That was easy, because he lives by himself. But getting there required him to pay an extra $25 to the taxi driver since he had a positive COVID test. It was 5 am.

Once, when he ordered food via contactless delivery, he argued with the deliverer through the door since North didn't want to open it and risk spreading the infection. The worker was apparently offended.

Both times it would have been nice to have a loved one drive or open the door. "When you're on your own, you're essentially taking care of yourself, so you kinda have to play the sick person and the caretaker in that sense at the same time," said North, whose girlfriend lives in New York City.

Carnes found acquiring food to be the biggest logistical challenge of coping with COVID alone.

"I'm not rich, have lost some amount of my income to the lockdown, and grocery delivery options are extremely limited in my area of the country," she said. "There has been a lot of temptation to just go get groceries anyway."

Others have barely had the energy to find move, let alone find ways to eat or get medicine, Eric Kussin, founder of the #SameHere mental health movement who lives alone in New York City, told Business Insider

"Pharmacies are sold out," he wrote on Instagram March 21. "Found one through Postmates at a CVS & my order keeps getting cancelled, saying - 'can't fulfill.' Friends who live in the city, understandably have self quarantined or just have fear of getting in a cab or subway to come drop one off."

Living alone is 'a mixed blessing'

Some people who've been sick with COVID-19 while living by themselves consider their natural isolation a blessing.

"I don't have to wipe down the mail, packages, groceries, etc. [There's] nothing to be afraid of since it's already here and I already have it," Morel Stackhouse, a therapeutic bodywork practitioner in Madison, Wisconsin, who got sick on April 1, told Business Insider.

"I imagine it must be much harder for people who are healthy and trying to stay that way, doing everything they can to not contaminate their homes."

She said "coming out" about her illness on Facebook has made her feel more supported than ever. In fact, sometimes all the attention is overwhelming. "The mornings are the hardest, as just when I am trying to pull myself together for the day, the text messages start rolling in," she said. "And if I don't respond in a timely fashion, folks freak out. A mixed blessing, for sure."

Stackhouse isn't the only one who's found social media, texts, and video calls to be sanity savers. Kearse, the flight attendant, said she got about 100 messages after posting about her illness on social media, and North frequently Skyped with his girlfriend, even virtually watching movies together. "Her messages and Skypes were the light throughout this ordeal," he said.

North also found comfort in the Facebook Group Survivor Corps, where former and current COVID-19 patients compare symptoms, share and advice, and offer each other encouragement.

"It helped me to feel grateful and fortunate that I have a mild case compared to some, and gave me the mental strength to keep taking care of myself as best as I can and take it one moment at a time."

If you live alone, make a plan to check in with the same person each day

Stackhouse checks in with one trusted friend every morning. "If they don't hear from me, they have a key to my house and they will come to check on me," she said. She's also prepared instructions, food, and medicine for her dog, in case she needs to go to the hospital and can't care for it.

Sue Anne Bell, an assistant professor in the University of Michigan School of Nursing, recommends people living solo with the disease follow a similar tact by making a deal with someone trusted that you'll touch base every day. Make sure they have your healthcare provider's number and any other personal health information you're comfortable sharing, she told Business Insider.

It's also a good idea to keep note of your daily symptoms, including your temperature, which should be taken at the same time every day. "This can help you decide if and when you need medical attention," Bell said, adding that may want to share the log with a friend or family member as well.

This process helped North play doctor to himself. He recorded his appetite, as well as how long he could stand in the shower without getting dizzy. "Based on these measurements, I would decide if I would rest more or change nutrition," he said.

Finally, Bell encourages people to ask for help with things like getting prescriptions and groceries. In Stackhouse's experience, people are eager to answer the call. "Before this, I honestly didn't realize that so many people cared about me," she said. "I have been moved to tears by people's kindness."