Boyfriend Day: Here’s the psychology behind why men are so difficult to buy gifts for

If you’ve ever found yourself stressing over what to get your boyfriend for Boyfriend’s Day — or any occasion for that matter — you’re not alone. Many people feel that men are notoriously tough to shop for. But why is that? Is it just indecisiveness, or is there something deeper going on? Turns out, psychology holds some answers.

Men buy what they want

One of the simplest explanations is that men are likely to purchase what they need or want before anyone else gets the chance to gift it to them. As noted by clinical psychologist Avrum Weiss in his book Hidden in Plain Sight: How Men’s Fears of Women Shape Their Intimate Relationships, men don’t wait around for a thoughtful surprise — they just go ahead and get it.

This often leaves their loved ones scratching their heads, trying to figure out what’s left to give them. Men’s approach to shopping is generally more straightforward: see, buy, done. This reduces the opportunity to give them something that feels both thoughtful and useful.

Practicality reigns supreme

For many men, a gift is only appreciated if it serves a practical purpose. Studies show that men are more inclined to accept gifts that align with their role as providers or helpers. Tools for house maintenance or gadgets that improve productivity are welcomed. But a gift that’s purely for pleasure, like a spa day or a frivolous trinket, can make them feel uncomfortable. Men are often conditioned to feel like they should be practical rather than indulgent, which means they may not always appreciate gifts that are just for fun or relaxation.
As Weiss highlights, men usually have a harder time than women allowing themselves to play or enjoy something that doesn't seem "useful." For example, while mom might receive a spa treatment, dad is more likely to get something like a toolset. When you’re trying to pick a gift, this deeply ingrained need for utility can create a dilemma.

The “fix-it” mentality

Men are also often more focused on solutions than emotional connections, which can make it difficult for them to appreciate gifts aimed at sentimentality. Some research, although limited, has indicated that men’s brains are wired to fix problems, and this mentality might extend to how they approach receiving gifts. When they receive something that doesn’t solve a practical problem, they might not see its value the same way a woman might.

According to acclaimed neuropsychiatrist Dr Louann Brizendine, men’s brains are quick to search for solutions, which can make them less interested in gifts meant to evoke emotional or sentimental reactions. For some men, the question isn't, "Is this a kind gesture?" but rather, "What problem does this solve for me?" This problem-solving mindset can make gift-giving feel like an impossible puzzle to crack.

Difficulty accepting gifts

Some men have trouble accepting gifts altogether, due to a mix of insecurity, fear, or a feeling of inadequacy. For them, receiving gifts may feel like a challenge to their independence or even make them uncomfortable about "owing" something in return. Emotional barriers, often rooted in childhood, can make men feel uneasy about receiving kindness without reciprocating. In fact, some men even associate gifts with manipulation or feel they have to "earn" what they're given.
Others may feel a strong resistance to accepting gifts because they are uncomfortable with the vulnerability it implies. The act of receiving can be a reminder of their dependence on others, something that many men try to avoid. Weiss even notes that men might struggle with taking in gifts that are "just for them," seeing it as indulgent or even selfish to accept without offering something in return.

How can you break the cycle?

So, what can you do? Instead of opting for the same old practical gifts, consider challenging your boyfriend to embrace pleasure and play. Try giving him an experience that pushes him out of his comfort zone — like a surprise trip or tickets to an activity he wouldn’t normally pick for himself. It might be a little awkward at first, but helping him expand his capacity for fun could be the best gift of all.

The challenge isn't in finding something to give him — it’s finding something he’ll let himself truly enjoy. And in the meantime, if you do find the mystical and fabled one-size-fits-all boyfriend gift solution, do let us know what that is (please).