- Many people halted their
sex lives during the pandemic, doing it after a dry spell can be daunting. - Sex therapists and personal trainers gave Insider simple mind and body exercises to boost comfort and confidence in bed.
- Experts recommend core
workouts and good communication to reconnect with your sexy side.
If you're one of many singles preparing for a hot vax summer after over a year of little to no sexual contact, you may feel anxiety about getting back out there.
Whether you're worried you don't know how to communicate with a casual hookup, or you're concerned your body has lost its ability to contort into your favorite go-to sex position, these mental and physical strategies can help you ease back into an active and fulfilling sex life.
For better sex through exercise , work on a strong core, flexibility, and stamina
If you want to translate your gym gains into the bed room, key areas to focus on include your hips, glutes, and abs, according to Michael Bultman, a personal trainer who coaches for Park Slope Community
Cultivating both strength and mobility in those muscles can help you enjoy and maintain a variety of sex positions. It also prevents discomfort or injury, which can be a major mood-killer.
"We can almost always have sex the first time, the key is getting them back for more," Bultman said.
Some great exercises for better sex include:
- Glute bridges: lie on your back with knees bent and feet on the ground about six inches from your butt. Press your upper back and heels into the ground to lift your butt off the ground, keeping your hips square and a straight line from your knees to your shoulders. Lower and repeat.
- Bird dogs: start on your hands and knees and slowly raise one arm and the opposite leg until they're parallel to the ground. Keep your core engaged and hips square, clenching your glute muscle at the top. Slowly lower and repeat on the opposite side.
- Fire hydrant: start on all fours. Leading with your knee, keeping it bent at a 90 degree angle, lift one leg out to the side as high as is comfortable, squeezing your thigh and glue at the top. Keep the hips square and core tight.
For better stamina, don't neglect cardio exercise, such as running, biking, rowing, or swimming as part of your routine.
"The goal of sex is not just to have it, but to have it for a while, so you need some cardiovascular endurance," Bultman said.
A solid mind-body connection makes sex more pleasurable for you and your partner
Part of enjoyable sex is being in tune with both your body and your partner's body, and being able to assess what feels good for both of you. That might mean fast, forceful movements, but sometimes, a more fluid and rhythmic approach is wanted.
That can sometimes be tricky if you're not intuitively aware of your body, which is common among men, Bultman said.
"Men like to think being big, smashing hard, is the right thing to do, but in this case, the motion in the ocean is the more important thing," he explained.
To offset that instinct, it can be helpful to engage in more deliberate or mindful exercises such as yoga or dance.
Working out helps you feel more confident and comfortable in your own body, experts say
Another major benefit of exercise is that it can help you feel proud of your body and what it can do, which translates to more confidence in sexual situations, said Amy Martin, vice president of the functional fitness company P.volve.
A solid workout routine can activate your muscles ahead of intimate physical activity, which can be helpful if it's been awhile. and you're anxious about your performance.
"When you understand your body, confidence happens. Insecurity about the body can come from not knowing what's going on," Martin told Insider.
Knowing and appreciating your body helps you be more aware of specific areas (like your pelvic floor) which can lead to more pleasure and even better orgasms. This is also the first step toward helping your partner understand what you like, too.
"It's about celebrating the body not just for how it looks, but how it can feel. And if you recognize what you're feeling, you can verbalize it," Dr. Amy Hoover, a physical therapist and advisory board member P.volve, previously told Insider.
Prepare to be honest about your anxieties with a new sex partner
In addition to feeling physically prepared to break your sex drought, it's important to gear up mentally.
Part of that process is accepting post-pandemic sex will likely feel awkward and being OK with that, sex therapist and "Sex Points" author Bat Sheva Marcus told Insider.
Marcus suggested embracing the strange situation and admitting your worries to your sexual partner, even if it's a one-time hookup.
"I think we have to be really kind to ourselves and realize that this is a difficult time and we've all went through a lot of trauma," said Marcus. "We all need to get back into it in a way that's safe."
To do that, consider what you need and tell your partner, Marcus said.
For example, if you feel safer and more confident having sex with the lights off, be honest with your partner about why, and request they flip the switch. If you only want to engage in oral sex as you reacquaint yourself with the hook up scene, set that boundary upfront. You could also simply say this is your first romp in over a year, and you're feeling anxious about it, said Marcus.
"Communicating what your experiences have been for the past year and what your expectations might be right now, in the most basic form, is really important. Like, 'I just want you to know I haven't had sex with anybody since this pandemic started. And I think it would really be fun to have sex with you, but I don't want to have intercourse,'" Marcus said.
If you feel like you can't be vocal to a partner about how you're feeling towards sex, it means you're not ready to get back out there, according to Marcus.
Get back in touch with your sexy side
If you feel unable to articulate your sexual needs and anxieties, Marcus suggested slowing down and tapping into what makes you feel sexy.
Whether it's a fresh manicure, a new set of lingerie, some new clothes, taking sexy pictures, or masturbating, focusing on the ways you can make yourself feel hot can boost your confidence when you meet someone, according to Marcus.
Most importantly, don't place high expectations on yourself for post-pandemic sex.
It'll probably be messy and awkward, just like the first time you ever had sex, said Marcus.
"Don't put too much weight on it. Don't put too much meaning into it and just be aware that it may be not great and that's fine. And then you won't go into a spiral of, 'Oh my God, I don't remember how to have sex and world's going to end.'"