When my partner and I had our first threesome, our relationship improved. Now we know nonmonogamy was the right call for us.

• My girlfriend and I had our first threesome after having an open relationship for five years.
• The experience was incredibly rewarding for us and has enhanced the relationship.

Though my girlfriend Lucy and I have maintained an open relationship for five years, we've dated other people separately. A threesome was never part of the equation; something else always got in the way.

This changed in May when I connected with a cisgender man. We instantly found common ground, and our chats lasted long into the evenings. He piqued Lucy's interest, too, and she made her introduction.

What followed was a delightful month of online flirting that led to a four-night sexcation in his city. Beyond the great sex we shared, it added an emotional warmth to our relationship.

Neither of us thought a threesome would be so easy

Lucy and I have been nonmonogamous since the start of our relationship. We talked it out during the "What are we?" conversation, and it's been a part of our lives since. It's not a big deal to us. We have a happy relationship with the possibility of seeing other people.

Over the years we discussed the possibility of a threesome. The conclusion was always that it would be interesting but logistically difficult. We have different tastes and different sex drives. Plus, we imagined scheduling would be an issue. That was all true until I met Beck.

We clicked over our mutual love of clear communication and friendship

I met Beck in the customary manner in 2023: a swipe-based dating app. Conversation with him flowed like water whether we were discussing hobbies, cooking, or work. When the casual chats turned into sexting, each response and check-in went smoothly.

Whenever I updated Lucy on this new man, she gave her perspective. She's my dating copilot — always watching for red flags and giving me a trusted second opinion. That's my favorite perk of nonmonogamy.

She wasn't just impressed by this man's respect for my boundaries and his warmth, she was downright curious. Soon she made her introduction to Beck, and arrangements to meet up were underway.

The hallmarks of a great threesome are consent, care, and laughter

We took a weeklong trip to his city to see the sights — and have lots of sex. Each day we spent with each other led to a better understanding of our respective personalities.

We spent the first night eating pizza and introducing ourselves through tentative touching and kissing. During our first meeting as a trio, we found my favorite part of sex: laughter. We got along well enough to laugh at the silliness of sex while looking to each other for pleasure.

The second night escalated to sex. And the sex got better and better as we got used to each other's interests and boundaries.

I'm not new to threesomes, but this was Lucy's and Beck's first. I'm familiar with the awkwardness that can arise in a threesome, even one that's well negotiated and planned. None of that happened, though. Instead, we laughed and enjoyed each other.

This new dynamic came easily. When Beck turned his attention to my dear girlfriend, I saw her blissful in the arms of a man who took care of the desires I couldn't. She watched me twist with Beck in the sheets and discovered an enjoyment of watching me have sex with others.

We left with a newfound closeness and a firm need to make plans again

The first sign that my relationship with Lucy had improved was the jovial conversation on the drive home. We love each other's company, but we rarely find ourselves so mutually interested in something that we trip over each other to make our points.

We talked continuously on the trip home and for the next week about the experience. Four threesomes in as many days gave us much to think about. The main topic of discussion wasn't just how great the sex was but how much we learned.

We learned how fulfilling sex could be with our partner and a trustworthy third person. We explored acts and kinks that weren't an option within our sapphic relationship. We found a way to satisfy our mixed sex drives by outsourcing — for lack of a better term — to someone with the energy.

Best of all, we learned that threesomes with people outside the relationship weren't just possible; they were outstanding.

This trip crystallized five years of negotiation, boundary setting, and communication between Lucy and me. There's no script for nonmonogamy; everyone writes their own, using trust, care, and respect as ink. It took five years of nonmonogamy and our first threesome to affirm that this was the right decision for us.

Beck was equally enthusiastic. He started requesting another meetup before we even left. It's been a couple of months since we've seen him, and he's found a spot in our calendar again. We're all ready for more of each other's company.