- I used to hate being alone, but I got used to it when my husband started traveling more for work.
- He left for three weeks recently, and it was hard to pin down friends.
I've never lived alone as an adult, and there have been many times when I wish I had. After college, I moved back in with my parents, and two years later, I moved to Baltimore and immediately began living with my previously long-distance boyfriend, Sam, who is now my husband.
Maybe because of this or because I'm an extrovert, I used to describe myself as being "bad" at being alone. I never liked my own company and always felt like people were judging me because I didn't know how to act when alone in public. But since Sam has had to travel more for work recently, I've been forced to be alone, whether I like it or not. I've come to enjoy the solo time, though my days are often tinged with loneliness.
When he left for a three-week work trip this month, I expected to feel a little lonely. What I didn't expect was to realize why having strong friendships was so necessary for my mental health.
I long for the time when I prioritized friends over boyfriends
Whether it's the stage in my life or that people have started to couple off — myself included — I've noticed that my friends are much less spontaneous or are always busy. I often feel like I'm the one initiating time together. Sometimes a friend will flake out at the last minute.
While maintaining a relationship with a partner requires dedication, I miss the time when best friends would win out over boyfriends. Good friendships are nourishing. I won't say friendships are better than romance, but friendship connects us to someone who knows us in a different way.
Despite getting used to being on my own, I still experience a lot of loneliness. I'm not alone in my feelings — in a 2020 Harvard Graduate School of Education survey of US adults, 36% of respondents said they felt serious loneliness.
With no one available during my husband's recent trip, I committed myself to my alone time and made the most of it. I caught up on house projects I had been putting off, read my book, and watched my favorite TV shows.
Getting older makes me appreciate good friendships even more
Every now and then, someone surprises me. This weekend, I signed up for a class at a new, local arts and crafts studio where you reserve a desk and use any supplies you like. There's no alcohol, just seltzer and tea. It's the most wholesome experience you could ask for. There are drawers full of stamps, stickers, boxes of sequins, embroidery hoops, and more. I've wanted to visit for a long time, and I was tired of waiting for someone to accompany me.
At the last minute, a new friend was able to come along. It was a therapeutic day as we quietly worked on projects while rain poured down outside.
As I get older, it becomes harder to make friends, probably because there isn't an instant social pool to pick from the way there is in school. When I do find those instant connections with people — that warm feeling where you feel comfortable and at ease — I hold on to them because they're so rare. When I'm lucky, the other person feels the same.