- My partner transitioned into a beautiful woman.
- For the first time, I'm being seen as a queer person because of our relationship's new dynamic.
When Summer came out as transgender, the people around us — both the people we knew and complete strangers — started treating us differently.
Now that we both identify as women, people treat me like a queer woman for the first time in my life, even though I had been openly identifying as bisexual for years. But I was most surprised by the amount of attention we got from strangers in public, especially from men.
I've always been queer, but now my relationship is undeniably so
Before Summer's transition, our relationship passed as heterosexual. In other words, when Summer identified as a man, I was straight in the eyes of everyone I knew. My bisexuality was easily erased.
When Summer came out as trans and started identifying as a woman, everything changed. As Summer grew into her newfound femininity, people close to us finally noticed I was queer.
While they were all mostly accepting, they had some inappropriate questions. "How do you have sex?" someone asked me as if the configuration of our genitals had changed in the few short months since Summer's coming out. "A woman wants to be with a man, right?" Summer's mother asked, looking for assurance that we weren't just roommates now.
I knew these questions — misguided as they were — came from a place of ignorance, not malice. They were a natural and expected part of Summer's transition. But for me, they meant something else. I've long identified as queer, but for the first time, I was being treated as openly and visibly gay. This brought me mixed feelings. Sure, I'm now being seen for who I truly am, but it comes with the "othering" that so many queer folks experience.
People take notice of us in public so much more
Summer and I have never been a shy couple. We hold hands in public. We hug and sometimes kiss with strangers around. We go on dates and shop for groceries. None of that changed when Summer transitioned, but what did change was strangers' reactions.
The first thing I noticed was the looks. People took note of us in public so much more. Before, the only time I'd felt this way was when we visited my hometown, where the population is majority white. I, too, am white, but Summer is ethnically Chinese. It was clear that some of the locals were not used to interracial relationships. If we felt scrutinized before, it multiplied by 10 the first time we visited after Summer's transition began.
And there was another reason that all eyes were on Summer: She became a very beautiful woman. Multiple people have described her as having a modellike stature. In general, it is hard for women to exist in public without extra attention and scrutiny. But for Summer, who is conventionally attractive, it's rare for her to go out in public without receiving audible comments and flirtations from those around her.
As men continue to hit on her, I realize it's yet another way people erase our queer relationship
Of course, the majority of this flirtation comes from men. I don't fault them for "shooting their shot." Hell, she's my girlfriend. If anyone finds her attractive, it's me. But the male attention doesn't stop when we're together.
Once, we were walking through a supermarket and holding hands. A man gave her an obvious once-over, and then he tried to start a conversation. Another time, I had my arm around her in a booth at a bar, and a man approached. He asked her whether she was looking for company — as if she weren't snuggled into someone's side already.
There are countless examples of men acting like this. It's usually aimed at Summer, but I've had my fair share of men asking me out on Facebook, despite my relationship status being public.
It's a strange dichotomy: We're so publicly a queer couple now, but some men choose to ignore we are together. It feels like my queerness is being erased in a whole new way.
Perhaps if we were more insecure people, these issues would bother us more
But Summer and I have built a relationship on trust. We've decided to pay no mind to the opinions of strange men. Similarly, we ignore the increased looks in public.
I will not hide my beautiful, queer relationship because others find it strange or want to ignore it. They're welcome to stop looking whenever they want.