Science- As a bisexual man, I always struggled to feel confident about dating.
- Joining a throuple unlocked a world of possibilities and transformed how I saw myself.
As a bi guy, I am, of course, attracted to men and women, but I always felt I had to "pick a side." I love being in a relationship with one person, but there used to be a part of me that felt shut off.
Society puts a lot of unspoken expectations on how men are supposed to act. I felt I had to play a masculine role with a woman and even feared I wasn't "queer enough" to be with a man.
I never knew where I was at. There were different energies inside me that shifted back and forth. Masculine and feminine vied for attention within me, and it was incredibly confusing. So I never knew how to act on dates with anybody.
This led me to feel deeply anxious, dissociated, and alone. That continued until I dated a couple, and we became a throuple.
I was alone in a bar one night and started chatting to a hetero-presenting couple
They didn't stand out to me as attractive. I don't think I'd have noticed them if they'd been by themselves, but there was something strangely enthralling about their energy.
They were super into each other; the guy had his hand around his partner's waist. They were affectionate and tactile. Despite being so interested in each other, they also seemed fascinated by me. I wasn't quite sure how to react.
At first, I thought the man was hitting on me. I wondered whether he was gay and disrespecting his partner, but then I noticed that she was flirting with me as well.
A lifetime of hetero-monogamous social conditioning had left me woefully unprepared for this situation. I went into a state of "bi panic," not knowing how to respond. Normally, with a girl, I would react in a certain way — there would be rules to follow — and the same for a guy. But this was uncharted territory.
Then it dawned on me: What if there was no "set way" to be at all? This moment changed my life profoundly. Instead of filtering myself to fit with either of them, I let go and simply allowed my instinct to take the lead.
For the first time as a queer person, I trusted myself completely. There were no rules, no norms, no expectations in our throuple. It was like being a kid in a candy store. Masculine and feminine energies flowed back and forth between us like a game of pingpong; it was life-changing.
We met several times and had the most mesmerizing experiences together
Sometimes they both paid me attention, putting me in control. To feel a sense of playful dominance over both a man and a woman felt phenomenal.
Other times they would take the lead, allowing me to rest into an almost infantile submission. I felt safe and protected between these strong masculine and feminine figures.
Sometimes both of us men would envelop the female in our arms. Watching her enjoy this was electrifying. Other times we would both be submissive to her. This role reversal broke apart so many of the restrictive structures that had kept me trapped for so long.
Following this, I had dates with other couples, which were similarly mind-blowing. It's some of the best sex I've ever had. It opened up so many parts of me that I never knew existed.
These experiences have taught me that the roles I play in life are not restricted by my body or gender
That first couple I dated for a few months opened my eyes to the diversity and variety of human interaction. It's all out there to enjoy.
Above all, dating couples has made me feel like a whole human being. I know I'm desirable, worthy, and valid just as I am — without playing a set role. This is something that I carry in my heart every day.
Now whenever I meet someone — of any gender — I remember that beautiful moment all those years ago. I let my body feel the energy and guide me to wherever it wants to go.