When I moved to Spain for 3 years, I went on several dates. From who pays the bill to sex on first dates, here's how dating in Spain differs from the US.

• In 2020, I moved to Spain and started dating men and women.
• Finding out sex is expected on first dates and that the bill is always split evenly surprised me.

As a 31-year-old woman, I've been on most dating apps and have been on more dates than I can remember. During the pandemic, I even went on a "first date" with someone where we ordered food for each other and FaceTimed. He cut out paper hearts and taped them to the wall behind him.

In 2020, I did another crazy thing: I moved to Spain to teach English. I don't know if moving to another continent during the height of the pandemic was my most ludicrous or my most genius ever, but it certainly gave me a lot of new perspectives on life — especially on dating.

When I moved to Spain, I dove into the dating world to see how it compared to dating in the US. I went on dates with men and women over the course of three years — and found major cultural differences.

On most of my dates in Spain, we split the bill evenly

When it came to dating men in Europe, I was shocked to find out that I was expected to pay my half of the bill. Not that I ascribe to the idea that men should pick up the bill, but it was a definite shift going from an American culture where it's sometimes expected for men to pay to a Spanish culture where that is never the assumption.

More surprisingly, one of the few dates who offered to cover the whole bill was a woman. The one time a Spanish man did pay, he used it as a "peacocking" opportunity to show off how much money he had.

Based on my experiences, sex is expected on the first or second date in Spain

From the people I dated, I got the feeling that Spaniards see sex like they see wine — as a part of everyday life and easily accessible. Just as the Spanish norm of having a few glasses of wine at lunch might raise some eyebrows in the US, the casual approach to sex is also a bit more liberal.

While it wasn't impossible, I didn't encounter many people who wanted to wait a few dates before getting intimate.

In Spain, I learned that most people might date for years without a formal commitment

In the US, it's common to go on a certain number of dates before having the "define the relationship" conversation — or at least trying to know where the other person stands when it comes to commitment.

And while this may be true in Spain, too, I met many couples who'd dated for years without getting married. One couple I met dated for seven years and then broke up, and it wasn't the type of breakup that ruined their lives — it was just a casual ending of a relationship.

I noticed that for Spaniards, they commit to each other, but that commitment might have a time stamp instead of a wedding ring.

I also learned that most people don't get married in their 20s in Spain

Back home in the US, it's pretty common for people to date so that they can find their ideal partner and get married. That means I know a lot of Americans who not only got married in their 20s, but also those who got divorced before turning 30.

When I talk about having American friends in their 20s going through a divorce, my Spanish friends are shocked that I even know people who are married in their 20s. To them, it's crazy that we jump into committed relationships so quickly.

I was surprised to learn that queer couples in parts of Spain were just as widely accepted and celebrated as heterosexual couples

I regularly saw same-sex couples walking down the streets of Spain, which isn't the norm all over the US. The Pride festival literally shut down the entire capital city, drawing everyone out for the party. There was no fear, nor any church groups holding "Burn in hell" signs.

This environment helped me let down my guard and be more open to meeting new people. It was such a refreshing experience to go on a date with a girl and know that we weren't going to get dirty looks or be treated differently than the straight couple at the table next to us.

Another major difference that I found in Spain is that there is less overall pressure as a queer person to adopt a label or identity

In the US, many people choose a letter from the LGBTQ+ acronym that defines them. Even when I was coming out, many times people would ask, "So are you lesbian, or bi…?"

But in Spain, most people are just queer and don't always identify as gay, bi, or as a lesbian. Sometimes I didn't even know someone was queer until they told me outright — and not because they were trying to hide it, but because they don't primarily express themselves through the filter of queerness.

In many ways, I appreciate that in the US it is much easier to tell when someone is queer because it makes flirting on the streets or making queer friends a lot easier. But for a baby lesbian like me, it has been very refreshing in Spain to be relieved of the pressure I often face in the US of having to "prove" how queer I am. Self-acceptance became a lot easier when everyone just accepted me as I was.

Almost three years of living in Spain have shown me a whole new world of dating, love, and queerness. Even though there are always waves of homophobia no matter where you are, my time in Europe has given me glimpses of a world where true equality exists — whether you're splitting the bill on a first date or are a 20-something divorced lesbian.