Self-love means having trust, confidence, and pride in yourself and your abilities.- Practicing self-love means setting boundaries, being mindful, and removing toxic people from your life.
- To develop self-love, seek a therapist, journal, and listen to affirmations.
There is only one person with whom you spend every second of every day of your life - yourself. Fostering a loving relationship with yourself can be a long, complicated process but will also create space for more happiness and freedom.
What does self-love mean?
Self-love is the feeling of trust, confidence, and pride in yourself and your abilities.
"[Self-love] will help you enjoy the good times in life and believe in your ability to handle the bad times," says Aimee Daramus, PsyD, a clinical psychologist for Urban Balance.
Achieving self-love can be difficult due to internalized ideas that you're not good enough, or feelings of guilt about placing your needs first.
"There is a perspective shift inherent to self-love when the person begins to prioritize internal needs above those of others," says Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD, a clinical psychologist at Lenox Hill Hospital in New York City.
Developing self-love can take time, patience, and practice, but self-love is deserved and achievable by all. Here are six ways to practice self-love.
Here's what you need to know about practicing self-love.
1. Practice self-care
Self-care is anything you do that benefits your physical, mental, or emotional
There are many ways you can practice self-care, including:
- Watching a movie or TV show
- Cooking a meal
- Play a game
- Going on a walk
- Cleaning your apartment
- Flossing your teeth
- Exercising
2. Become mindful
"Being able to listen to your body and mind and to be aware of your needs is the best thing that can be done for you specifically," says Annie M. Henderson, a certified professional life coach and licensed professional counselor.
What the research says: In a large 2015 review, researchers found mindfulness-based interventions increased participant's self-esteem.
Some ways to practice mindfulness are:
- Meditation
- Count your breaths or breathe deeply
- Grounding exercises
- Pay attention to your five senses like what you smell, hear, or touch.
3. Question negative thoughts
When you have a thought in your head saying "I'm not worthy" or "I can't do this," question it. What makes you feel that way, and how can you shift your perspective to focus on successes?
Also, take the time to think about how outside factors are influencing your opinion of yourself. "Sometimes you're underperforming at work, but sometimes their expectations are exploitative," says Daramus. "Sometimes you're 'not there for a friend or significant other, but sometimes their needs are unreasonable."
4. Set boundaries
Setting physical and emotional boundaries allows you to control how you treat yourself and how others treat you, both of which are essential for self-love. It helps prioritize your needs and allows you to vocalize what those needs are.
Setting boundaries can look like:
- Learning to say "no" without guilt
- Making decision regardless of others' opinion of you
- Standing up for yourself and your needs
Your boundaries may change over time, and enforcing new limits does not require an apology.
5. Stop comparing yourself to others
Thanks to social media, it's far too easy to see an idealized version of other people's lives and accomplishments. Comparing yourself to a person's curated online presence can be detrimental to self-love.
"Remember that social media is an extreme version of the public persona or mask folks project, but only represents a sliver of the challenges, problems, and difficulties that color individuals' lives," says Romanoff.
What the research says: In a 2018 study, researchers found students who used social media to compare themselves and seek positive feedback from peers were more likely to experience symptoms of depression and excessively seek reassurance offline.
6. Remove toxic people from your life
A toxic person can limit your ability to foster self-love. While you can achieve self-love on your own, it's easier when the people around you provide positive affirmations and respect.
According to Henderson, attributes of a toxic person may include:
- Being resistant to or fearful of your growth
- Only having negative things to say
- Disregarding your opinions
- Ignoring boundaries you set
- Leaving you exhausted after time spent together
After talking to someone, ask yourself, "Do I feel better or worse than I did before the conversation began?"
How you develop self-love
There are many ways to develop self-love, and which is best will vary from person to person.
"While waking up at 5 AM, meditation, and journaling might really give someone a sense of self-love, it could be dancing, running, or talking to a life coach or therapist," says Henderson. "Consistency is key when it comes to self-love and finding something that works for you."
Here are a few specific techniques for developing self-love to try:
- Seek help. Studies show therapists can help cultivate self-love and self-esteem. They can gently guide you to discover where insecurities may stem from, and then help you overcome them. "A therapist can also check for underlying problems, like depression, anxiety, or trauma," says Daramus.
- Do a self-love meditation. Similar to being mindful, a self-love meditation involves sitting with yourself and evoking feelings of love and kindness towards yourself.
- Journal. Writing can increase your sense of well-being by giving you the opportunity to become aware of your emotions, what you're proud of, aspects you like about yourself, and steps you're taking to accomplish your goals.
- Listen to affirmations. An affirmation is a phrase you can say to yourself if feelings of self-love waver or need a boost. Affirmations may include "I am worthy" or "I am loved." There are affirmation apps and journals available to get you started.
Insider's takeaway
Self-love is a lifelong journey with ups and downs. You can practice and develop self-love on your own or with the help of a