- 'Situationship' is a new Gen Z term for an undefined relationship status.
- A 2022 Tinder study says young singles are embracing them as a valid relationship status.
Julian Estella got into his first situationship in college. Sparks didn't immediately fly when the two men initially crossed paths as teenagers, but a few years later, their connection blossomed, marking a turning point.
"When you're tired of college, you'll want to spend your night with someone who makes you feel rested. For me, it was him," Estella, a 23-year-old content creator from the Philippines, told Insider.
Although they liked each other at the time, they found it hard to put a label on things — and thus found themselves in a situationship instead.
Defining situationships
Like Estella, a growing number of people are finding themselves in situationships.
According to Tinder's 2022 Year in Swipe report, the top dating trend among singles aged between 18 and 25 is that they're "owning the situationship as a valid relationship status."
The platform saw a 49% increase in members adding the phrase to their Tinder bios between January and October 2022.
Like the relationship it refers to, the term "situationship" isn't officially defined in the English language. Associated dating terms like boyfriend and girlfriend are dropped as well.
"In our research, we define a situationship as an ongoing sexual or romantic liaison that lasts six months or more that one or both parties don't see as going anywhere," Elizabeth Armstrong, the chair of the University of Michigan Department of Sociology, told Insider.
People in a situationship tend to publicly portray themselves as single, but at the same time, have no immediate intent to end the liaison, she said: "It's something that has stepped off the relationship escalator in terms of progress, like moving towards cohabitation, marriage, or some kind of greater seriousness."
It's not exactly like casual dating, which is usually a means to an end, Myisha Battle, a sex and dating coach, told Insider. Battle is also the author of "This is Supposed to be Fun," a sex and dating guide published in January 2023.
"It's like you're dating around until you find something more. But I think with situationships, there's no end game in sight, really," Battle said. She pointed out that it isn't quite like being friends with benefits either.
"With friends-with-benefits, there's a kind of implicit understanding that there'll be no hard feelings if it doesn't work out," she added. "But with situationships, I think people are just seeing where things go, and maybe one person will have a vision of some kind of future whereas the other might not."
Flirting with disaster
Although the term "situationship" has been floating on the internet for a few years, it is unclear where or when it originated.
But with the rise of TikTok — and the habit of oversharing details about our personal lives online — the term has entered our collective consciousness.
Just take a look at the thousands of videos under the #situationship hashtag on TikTok, which has collectively amassed over 5.5 billion views.
"There are many downsides to a situationship. Feelings are always involved, and they get played with almost every single day," Riley Jackson, a 19-year-old nursing student from Texas, told Insider. "You also begin to question your own worth as time goes on."
Like many of her peers, Jackson's been in a couple of situationships as well. Most of her situationships last between three to four months, although the one she is currently in has been going on and off for about a year now.
The uncertainty of being in a situationship can induce feelings of anxiety and confusion internally, Battle said.
"Another result could be that your friends or your family might have judgments about someone being in your life for this long without having clearly defined goals for this relationship," she added.
Those in situationships might also compare their experiences with those in traditional relationships, creating additional tension and strife in the process, Battle said.
For Estella, whose longest situationship was on and off for two years, "nothing seemed stable and peaceful" during the entire time, and he said that took a toll on his mental health.
"You're permitting yourself to settle with unstable relationships that aren't ready for deeper and meaningful connections," he said.
Embracing the undefined
Despite the emotional push-pull, there are upsides to being in a situationship too.
Ironically, the lack of a label also takes the stress out of dating, since it allows people to savor the moment without having to think about what comes next.
"Gen Z is less concerned with labels — and the pressure that comes with them — than they are with making real connections with people who can add to their lives in meaningful ways," Leyla Guilany-Lyard, senior vice president and global head of communications at Tinder, told Insider.
In a Tinder survey of users aged between 18 and 24 in the UK, the US, and Australia, 54% of those who are single and looking for situationships shared that the main benefit is that they get time to develop a relationship with less pressure, per data that the platform shared with Insider.
Additionally, 48% of those surveyed say that situationships provide more options for friendship and other types of relationships.
"Being in a situationship is fun at first because there is no label, and you can just go along with the flow," Shane Ado, a 20-year-old college student and content creator in Manila, Philippines, told Insider.
Additionally, having no strings attached means that people don't need to be accountable to the other party.
"I can talk to and do whatever I want, without worrying about having to upset my partner," Jackson said.
In 32-year-old Alice Wilson's case, being in a situationship allows her to maintain agency and a sense of self.
"I like that being in a situationship encourages me to tend to my own pleasure, responsibilities, and fullness of life rather than misdirecting the fulfillment of my needs onto a romantic partner," Wilson, an academic based in the UK, told Insider.
For others, a situationship can be a low-committal way for those who are still unsure about their sexuality to date.
"I used to hang out with guys who were still figuring out their sexuality," Estella said. "Given the fact that a real relationship with these people is hard, especially since they cannot figure out who they are, a situationship has allowed us to experiment with our identities."
Is this the future of dating?
The undefined territory of situationships isn't necessarily good or bad.
In many ways, it's part of a larger trend where people are giving themselves space to enjoy the present while making meaningful connections with others.
"It is the perfect in-between for young adults who want to have an emotional presence and connection in person, but when apart, they also have the freedom outside of a committed relationship," Guilany-Lyard said.
At the same time, the dating landscape is full of uncertainty, and situationships — no matter how common — aren't for everyone.
"Situationships can only work if both parties understand the extent of their relationship, and there was transparent communication on both sides," Estella said. "If two people are clear about their boundaries and their level of commitment, a situationship can be a good choice to make."
And if you find yourself entangled in one, there's still a lesson to be learned.
"What I try to help my clients see is if a relationship doesn't meet their expectations exactly, it doesn't mean that they can't learn and grow and still have positive experiences connecting with other people in those moments," Battle said.