- I applied marketing principles to improve my dating profile and saw more success in my matches.
- For better or worse, dating apps are a place where people shop around for what they're looking for.
When I started dating again after ending a long-term relationship, I just threw something onto my app profiles without thinking too much about it and started swiping.
After a period of relative disappointment, I realized that I should take a closer look at what I had written. To revamp my profile, I did something that might seem a little unexpected: I used my knowledge of marketing to up my app game and target my "type." Pretty soon, I was getting compliments on my tagline from matches.
Many of my matches have also sent playful messages, such as, "Swiping right for the highly specific bio," "Taking that voice memo as the personal attack it is," and even, "I cackled out loud, then sent your bio to all my friends."
If you're having trouble figuring out the best way to increase your success online, here's the advice I give to all my friends who ask me to take a look at their profiles.
First, recognize the reality of dating in 2023
We may all dream of having some fairy-tale meet-cute at a coffee shop or farmers market, but that's just not how most people meet these days. A Stanford study published in 2019 found that the most popular way couples met was online.
Since online dating is here to stay, don't feel like you're being disingenuous or taking away from an organic process by thinking too hard about your profile. Most people will appreciate the effort, and the more of your personality you put into your profile, the more likely it is you'll get matches you're likely to click with.
Think about what you could improve, as well as what's out of your control
Unless you're willing to shell out $90,000 for leg-lengthening surgery, things such as your height, your location, and your job are either out of your control or difficult to change — at least in the short term.
What you can change are the pictures you post, the content of your profile, and which of your interests you choose to highlight. Try swapping out specific parts of your profile to see what's working and what isn't. For example, leave a picture up for a week or two, then rotate it out and try another. You can do the same for what you write in your bio, and try out different opening lines with matches to see what's resonating.
You can also start keeping track of your results because improvement is an iterative process. Establish KPIs — key performance indicators — and envision what success looks like. For me, "success" meant I had the option of one to three dates a week, with roughly 40% of those dates viable as a second date. See which apps end up meeting your KPIs, and then focus on your approach in that app.
Start thinking like a marketer
Anyone in business school can tell you the original four P's of marketing: product, place, promotion, and price. The four categories don't apply in equal measure to a dating profile, but combined, I found they worked great as guidelines to improve how my online presence was received.
First, I thought about my product — in this case, me — and how I was promoting it. I thought about whom I was looking for, who might be looking for me, and whether I was being realistic in how I was presenting myself and assessing my prospective matches.
Personally, I'm a bit of an easygoing hipster type who likes late-night dive bars and indie-music shows; it would be silly for me to try and make a profile to match with someone intense who likes to wake up early to go camping or do CrossFit just because I thought they were attractive.
Moving from a generic profile or bio, "Hi, I like fun and dogs and travel," to a more targeted one (My current bio line is: "Attention anxious overachievers whose teachers called them a pleasure to have in class — get in loser, we're going plant shopping") may seem like decreasing your options, but you're helping the people you're looking for to find you.
Investing effort in fewer people can also help decrease your sense of being on an endless app treadmill — a contributor to burnout or dating-app fatigue and frustration, which surveys indicate are not uncommon phenomena.
Another tip for writing a bio? Including a call to action — anything from, "Tell me your favorite bad movie," to, "I'm new in town! Help me find the best place to get a pizza?" — can make it easier for others to respond to your profile and start a conversation in your messages.
Consider and vet your place
If you're exclusively using Tinder and looking for a long-term relationship, you shouldn't be surprised if it takes longer than if you were using an app such as Hinge, which markets itself as "the dating app designed to be deleted."
Take stock of the type of relationship or connection you're looking for, and do some research on which apps might get you your desired result. In marketing, you have a spending budget; in dating, you have a time budget, and it doesn't make sense to spend that time somewhere where the results aren't coming in.
Audit your results
Speaking of results, once you settle on a tactic, you should periodically check on what's working and what isn't.
During one quarterly audit, I realized I was going on more second dates with my matches from Hinge than with people I met on Tinder. That wasn't what I expected because I found myself investing more time on Tinder than Hinge, thanks to the addictive swipe-right experience. So I reallocated my dating-app time budget and decided to set a time limit on my weekly Tinder use; I was able to maintain a similar date frequency and quality, while decreasing my overall time on the apps each week.
These are the types of actionable, data-driven results that a marketing mindset can help you bring in. Online dating is a skill — one that you can learn, practice, and see positive results from in no time.