Even the most reclusive of people need human attachment. That's why solitary confinement is such a successful form of torture — we are simply wired for connection, since the day we were born and and started crying for our mothers.
As we grow up, we learn how to form bonds with other people, and our early experiences with intimate relationships heavily impact how we approach attachment in the future.
It starts with how our parents related to us, then we are shaped further by other experiences with friends, teachers, and the first romantic relationships we have.
"We are run by stories, and we don't know what kinds of assumptions rule us until we pause and reflect," psychologist Perpetua Neo told Insider. "It could be upbringing, it could be a difficult experience, or attachment, that can lead to stories about us, such as 'I'm not good enough,' 'I'm not worthy,' 'I'm unlovable.'"
Our stories can place us anywhere on a wide spectrum of how we approach intimacy, but people can generally be divided into categories for how they attach to others: avoidant, anxious, and secure. Avoidant and anxious attachment styles are often the result of early trauma, while secure attachment tends to mean your childhood was healthy.
Psychotherapist Emily Morehead told Insider attachment style "plays into every relationship that we have and honestly how we view other humans" — relationships, workplaces, parenting, sexuality, and so on.
"The root of the problem does have a lot of links to that attachment style and those early relationships," she said. "A lot of the therapy that we do is helping people feel strong enough and brave enough to believe that they're worthy of learning that about themselves."
Here are the differences between the four attachment styles and how they affect your relationships.