Therapy doesn't have to be a relationship deal breaker — here are 3 questions to ask a date to find out if they're self-aware

• If your date attends therapy, that could be a sign they are more self-aware emotionally and mentally.
• But you don't have to ask a date if they go to therapy to know if they embody these traits and that you're compatible, a therapist said.

Singles have long debated the validity of only dating people who go to therapy.

But you could be cutting yourself off from great love interests if you make therapy a deal breaker while dating, Mike Dow, a therapist at Field Trip Health in Los Angeles, told Insider.

"It's always nice to be in a relationship with a person who is doing the work. I also know that it's not that black or white and people find their 'therapy' in different ways," Dow told Insider.

He said there are other questions you can ask a date to understand if they're self-aware and compatible with you.

Ask about they ways they feel joyful and connected

When you're dating someone new, it's natural to be curious about how they take care of themselves mentally and emotionally. While therapy can be part of that, Dow said it's important not to overlook other healthy coping mechanisms, like exercise, meditation, or creative hobbies.

He said asking a date how they find moments of joy and connect with others could be a gentler way to inquire about their mood-boosting strategies and how they handle internal conflict.

If you're in therapy yourself, this question can also give you the opportunity to bring it up, Dow said.

He suggested mentioning how rewarding you find the work you're doing, if that's the case. You could bring up a specific aspect you've learned about yourself in therapy, like how you handle conflict or best receive support from others.

"That opens the door for the other person to disclose what's working for them, and if that turns into a really heartfelt conversation and that person is naturally talking about the work they're doing," it's a sign they're self-aware, Dow said.

Discuss values

Ask a date about what they value in life and how they uphold those values, according to Dow.

If they provide a solid answer, it's another sign they're reflecting on who they are and how they want to live, Dow said.

He said this question can also lead to more specific and eye-opening conversations about topics like family, career goals, mental health, and money. Knowing more about where a date stands on these topics, which are often relationship deal breakers, can help you decide if you're compatible.

3 words they would use to describe their family

Learning more about the relationship a person has with their family can also give you an idea of how they handle conflict and show love, said Dow.

After you get the answer to the initial question, you can ask follow-ups to better understand a date's family dynamic, according to Dow. For example, you can ask a date who describes his family as "obnoxious," how he copes with those obnoxious moments.

Most importantly, pay attention to your date's answers, Dow said.

"I always tell people to trust your gut. When you feel something from somebody, believe it, because they're subtly trying to tell you something about who they are and if this person's a match for you."