- I had always been scared to accept financial help from my parents.
- I always wanted to be independent and had told myself I'd never accept money from them.
In April 2024, I quit my full-time job to pursue freelance work. Since then, my dad has asked the same question repeatedly.
"Do you need money? If you do, just let me know," he'd ask.
Without thinking — or sometimes even looking at him — I'd respond, "I'm good, don't worry." But was I actually good? Nope.
My bank account was draining, and I was cost-cutting on everything. I was anxious about making a sustainable income, which made my sleeping and eating schedules unhealthy. Still, I'd decided years prior that I would never ask my parents for financial support.
But a few months later, when my dad — a retired businessman who knew sustaining a business was tough — asked again, "Are you making enough money? If you need more, tell me; it's no problem," I looked at him, smiled, and said, "You know what, I'm good for now. But if I need more, I'll tell you." I meant every word.
So, how did I go from hating the idea of asking my parents for money to being open to it? Well, with a lot of self-work — after all, I certainly didn't have the money for therapy.
I always wanted to be seen as independent
My parents have always had money, so my resistance to taking their help wasn't coming from a traumatic financial past or feelings of scarcity. Still, I wanted to be successful, independent, and responsible on my own. And it was just as important to me to be perceived that way by parents, relatives, and friends.
After getting my master's in organizational psychology in 2020, I didn't see myself working in career paths that traditionally follow. I took up odd jobs, like teaching English online, testing apps, writing resumes — anything that paid. At 24, I started freelancing as a copywriter, but I was always on the verge of being broke. As much as possible, I focused on saving and avoiding going into debt rather than doing things that might further my learning or career.
I tried to live up to the image of the self-made, perfect daughter who could take care of herself for two years. I was caught in a loop of making decisions that guarded my ego instead of taking risks that might boost my career and set me up for the future. Then, at 26, after being exhausted from freelancing, I got a full-time job that offered a stable income and moved out of my parents' home. But it didn't feel satisfying to me.
A year later, in April 2024, I wanted to freelance again, but this time, things had to be different and less stressful.
I realized that refusing my parents' help was holding me back
Some of my friends had dabbled in different careers and relied on their parents for money until their late 20s, figuring out what they wanted to do and building up a solid set of skills. Not only did they seem happier than I was, but they were also making more money.
Two months ago, I met with one of these friends — a psychologist who is also a sound healer. I asked her how she had been OK with asking her parents for money for years after completing her education. Didn't she want to be independent and make her own income?
She told me that exploration was important and that money was never the goal — though it was the eventual outcome. "If I had focused on showing people I have money instead of developing my skills, I wouldn't have discovered my current income streams. My family had money, so I was free to take more chances and try new things, and finally, I found professions that I love, and money followed," she said.
Knowing she had a financial safety net made her fearless. Whenever she wanted, she took a leap of faith and found what made her happy (and yes, eventually able to support herself). On the other hand, I was making life difficult for myself by blocking out financial support when I needed it the most. Freelancing was a new skill, and instead of choosing to accept help while I sharpened it, I let my ego get in the way. And that was taking me nowhere.
Just knowing I had a financial safety net has helped me achieve my goals
The moment I realized that I had financial backup and that no matter how my career went, I was going to be fine, my relationship with money changed.
I decided not to make fear- or scarcity-based decisions with my money and instead to play the long-term game. I started by listing my personal and professional goals for the next six months and invested my savings into these goals. I joined writing communities, which have given me access to mentorship, and I also allowed myself to take up projects that don't pay well but are learning opportunities.
Now, I also allow myself to rest when I need it. Whereas taking a break would have made me anxious before, I know now that if I need money, I can always ask for help from my parents or move back in with them if that would be a workable solution. It hasn't come to that, however; I'm consistently onboarding new clients, and whether in large quantities or small, money has been showing up through freelancing.
If I'm waiting on my payments from freelance projects, I let my parents pay for groceries or my monthly stack of books. I feel happier and lighter while spending, investing, and making money. I'm proud of the growth I've seen in my career — and my bank account. My newfound freedom with money is beautiful. And all I had to do was let go of my ego and image and say yes to help.