Postpartum sex can be... different. Here is an OB-GYN's advice for one woman navigating the changes.
- Though distressing, trouble with sex postpartum can be normal, since your body is adjusting to so much change.
- Buy a lube to make sex more pleasurable and see a doctor for any bleeding-related symptoms, an OB-GYN said.
Dear Julia,
I had a baby four months ago. Six weeks after I had my baby, I started having sex with my husband again. That's when I started to notice changes in my body, like bleeding during sex.
I don't feel any pain when I bleed, but it's so upsetting to see. I also don't get wet anymore.
My sex life was totally normal before I gave birth, but because of all of these changes, I find sex embarrassing. I'm so worried. What's wrong with me?
-Nigeria
Dear Nigeria,
It must be so difficult to juggle the demands of your baby with your personal needs. Giving birth is a massively life-altering event, but it rarely gets treated with such gravity, so it makes sense to me that you'd feel worried and embarrassed by any changes your body is experiencing.
But it's normal for someone like you, who is in the postpartum period, to experience changes that impact their sex life, Dr. Staci Tanouye, an OB-GYN based in Jacksonville Beach, Florida, told me.
She said that new mothers rarely receive enough information and support about how they'll feel in the year that follows giving birth, leading many to wrongly feel like they're the problem.
In reality, hormonal changes that come with having baby are at play, Tanouye said. She said that it's great you waited six weeks after giving birth, the time period most OB-GYNs recommend, before having sex again, and said there's a few things you can try to improve your sex life.
You mentioned you no longer have natural vaginal lubrication. Tanouye said is common among postpartum women because of hormonal changes due to carrying a pregnancy to term, breastfeeding, and the spike in stress that comes with caring for a newborn.
"I don't think people realize how many factors affect sexual response postpartum. That's also part of the reason why post-pregnancy bounce-back culture can actually be quite negative," Tanouye told me.
Tanouye said that adding lube to your sex routine can be a simple solution for vaginal dryness, and one she often suggests to her postpartum patients. (If you need a suggestion, my personal favorite is Lovehoney's water-based Enjoy lube.)
As for the bleeding you mentioned, Tanouye suggested seeing your healthcare provider as soon as possible, since bleeding could be a symptom of a number of conditions. An in-person exam can help your doctor get to the bottom of what's going on with your body.
Finally, Tanouye suggested getting help from a pelvic floor physical therapist. She said that an increasing number of OB-GYNs like herself are partnering with these postpartum specialists because their sole focus in helping mothers like yourself feel more in tune with their bodies.
As certified professionals (look for the acronym DPT in their titles, which stands for doctor of physical therapy), pelvic floor physical therapists may teach you breathing exercises and stretches and perform specialized vaginal massages to strengthen and restore muscles used during childbirth and sex.
If, a year postpartum, you've try these options and find your sexual health issues are still there, be sure to reach out to your doctor for more help, Tanouye said.
I hope that in reading this, you can soothe some of your worries, or at least recognize that they're not your fault.
As Insider's resident sex and relationships reporter, Julia Naftulin is here to answer all of your questions about dating, love, and doing it — no question is too weird or taboo. Julia regularly consults a panel of health experts including relationship therapists, gynecologists, and urologists to get science-backed answers to your burning questions, with a personal twist.
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