Nikkie de Jager – better known for her YouTube channelNikkieTutorials — discussed her struggle with post-traumatic stress disorder after being blackmailed into coming out as transgender in January.- In a recent interview with Dutch publication &C, de Jager said she was diagnosed with
PTSD soon after people attempted to extort her for money, threatening to leak her identity to the press. - While the 26-year-old is trying to make the best of her diagnosis, she said she still struggles with the effects of the incident some days.
- "It depends on how I wake up," de Jager said in the interview. "One day I'm insecure and I don't dare to face the world, the other day I think: f--k it. It is mostly going well, but I still have dark days now and then."
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Dutch YouTube sensation Nikkie de Jager made headlines when she came out as a transgender woman in January.
Better known for her YouTube channel name, NikkieTutorials, the high-profile beauty influencer thwarted people trying to blackmail her by leaking her identity as a
De Jager now says has been grappling with the impact of the attempted extortion ever since. In a recent interview with Dutch publication &C, the 26-year-old said she was diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) soon after she came out.
"All my symptoms indicate towards PTSD," de Jager told &C. "All I can do is give myself time to give it a place, [the doctor] said. So I try that, although it is still difficult at times."
The YouTuber previously spoke about spending the majority of her life hiding her identity out of fear of rejection in her coming out video. The blackmailing also led her to come out to her fiancé, Dylan.
"I am me. I am still Nikkie. Nothing changes about that," de Jager said in the video. "The last thing I want in my life is for you to not trust me anymore, or to look at me with different eyes, or look at me in a different manner, or think that I have changed."
While de Jager said coming out felt "liberating and freeing," she also mentioned in her recent interview that the added media attention has been hard.
"I also find it difficult that every news item is opened with: 'She recently came out as transgender,'" de Jager told &C. "Or people who say something about it on the streets. Very sweet and they mean well, but that keeps reminding me."
Though de Jager is taking her PTSD diagnosis in stride, she said handling it can be difficult at times.
"It depends on how I wake up," De Jager told &C. "One day I'm insecure and I don't dare to face the world, the other day I think: f--k it. It is mostly going well, but I still have dark days now and then."
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