- I've been with my partner for over six years now.
- The pressure to have a good time on anniversaries or Valentine's Day is a turnoff for us.
My partner and I have been together for over six years, and early on in our
To us it seemed strange to set aside a couple of days of the year to demonstrate how much we care for and appreciate each other, especially with cheap chocolate and candy.
We were both relieved to find out that the other person felt the same way. So we decided to go our own way and not observe these days.
Instead we buy little presents for each other throughout the year, randomly and thoughtfully. We'll find things that represent an inside joke or something one of us has been talking about. It's a token, not the main way we show affection and appreciation.
Not celebrating our anniversary or Valentine's Day forces us to be more mindful and in the moment. It's a bit like enjoying the city you live in and not constantly waiting for your next vacation.
Celebrating these days can be stressful and expensive
Besides the commercialization of these celebrations, there's the stress factor. Restaurants are booked up on Valentine's Day - and if they're not, they're either cheesy (heart-shaped pizza, anyone?) or very expensive.
We never saw the point of going to a restaurant specifically on a crowded day. We'd rather save our money for travel and other nice things.
Also, the pressure to have an amazing time on both days felt like an added stress that was guaranteed to have the opposite effect. So we opted out.
It makes us more mindful of our relationship
Our relationship has stayed strong because of our commitment to appreciating each other in everyday circumstances.
I'll bring him a cup of tea in the office if I know he has a string of meetings and won't be able to get away. He'll bake me a sweet treat on a weekday because he knows I have a big sweet tooth. These are some tiny ways we show we appreciate each other throughout the year.
It was always important for us to do what felt right instead of doing something just because it was expected. But it might seem unusual to other people that we don't celebrate these two important days.
Some people don't understand it
People are often shocked that I never have plans for Valentine's Day. I usually just shrug it off and mumble something about how it's a made-up corporate holiday designed to make money. But it doesn't stop my hackles from rising.
I'm happy with the choices my partner and I made. I just wish other people could be as well.
I often think back to my teenage self, who was so desperate to have a boyfriend and experience all the things the couples I'd seen on screen had, like candlelit dinners and presents covered in red bows. But then I grew up and realized that it was the love I was after and that there were no limits for me to celebrate it.
We know our anniversary is sometime in June, and that's enough. Whenever Valentine's Day comes along, we treat it like any other day, without the cheap candy.