My husband used to buy me jewelry when we were together. 5 years after the divorce I treated myself to a $92 necklace.

• When I was married, my husband used to buy me jewelry for special occasions.
• I got very ill, and as I recovered I realized he was having an affair, which prompted our divorce.

It was a Christmas during my adolescence that I learned the smallest boxes often contained the best gifts. That morning I tore the wrapping paper off a palm-sized box to reveal the silver logo of James Avery, the local jewelry store. Nestled in a soft gray pouch inside was a beautiful silver charm in the shape of my dog. I would wear that charm nearly every day for the next year.

Though my parents' teacher salaries didn't leave much room for indulgences, my father liked to surprise my mother and me with jewelry. In the town where I grew up, a necklace or charm bracelet from James Avery was a symbol that a man in a girl's or a woman's life loved her. I treasured each silver charm my father gave me not only because of their beauty but because of the love they symbolized.

After I got married, my husband sometimes bought me jewelry from Zales or Kay on birthdays or anniversaries. I felt his love for me not just in his words or in his touch but in the way he took the time to learn my style. Jewelry is a gift that can outlast both the giver and the recipient. It wasn't difficult to see my husband's gifts as a sign that our love would last.

I got very sick

Two years into my marriage, I became severely ill and was bedridden for many months. Even as my fingers swelled from my medication, I waited as long as I could before removing my wedding ring. I could barely sit up and could no longer dress, but I often reached to my neck to touch the first necklace my husband had ever bought me.

As I recovered, I imagined that my marriage would return to how it had been — that, like my wedding ring, it would be right there waiting for me until I was ready to fit into it again.

Then I stumbled upon my husband's affair.

My illness seemed to have flipped a switch in his mind, triggering erratic moods and reckless decision-making. When he screamed at me or lied about his whereabouts, I questioned how sincere all those necklaces and rings really were. I was too sick to work more than a few hours a week and too weak to pack my possessions. I endured his moods and accusations for months until I was finally strong enough to leave.

I don't remember which necklace I wore the day my family carried boxes of my clothes and books from the house my husband and I shared. But I remember the empty racks in the closet where my clothes had hung and the way my husband turned away from me in sadness.

It took me years to buy myself jewelry

In the years after my divorce, I scrolled past jewelry ads online wistfully but without actually considering buying anything. I squirreled away most of the money I earned in case my body ever failed me again. Even after my bank account recovered, it didn't occur to me that a woman could buy her own jewelry.

It wasn't until five years after my divorce that I stepped into a Zales outlet store. A delicate ruby necklace caught my eye.

I wasn't prepared for the swell of emotion when I left with it in a shopping bag. I hadn't realized I could treat myself instead of waiting for a man who may or may not be all I needed him to be. I understood that day that a gift to myself could be an even stronger and more enduring symbol of love than a gift from family.

Men might come and go, but my commitment to keeping myself healthy and happy would last forever.

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