My husband and I want kids, but as a queer couple, we have limited options. We love the holidays, but they remind us of what we don't have yet.

• My husband and I love the holiday season and even got married on Halloween.
• But this time of year can also be difficult, because the holidays are more magical with kids.

My favorite part of the year is its icy climax. I love smelling the crisp, smoky scent that arrives with fall and hiding away under layers of vibrant clothing that match the leaves showering the sidewalk. I love the promise of cozy nights indoors with a mug of hot chocolate.

More than anything, though, I love the festivities at the end of the year.

My husband and I got married on Halloween in 2020. Our favorite thing to do is host fancy dress parties and watch scary films, so the date made total sense for us. We also love Christmas — we devour festive movies starting December 1, buy each other a new ornament for the tree, and spend the day eating and getting very merry with family.

The holidays are more magical with kids

For us, this time of year can also be quite difficult. Halloween and Christmas are very much catered toward children — families go trick-or-treating together, and the days leading up to Santa's arrival are undoubtedly more magical when you have kids. My husband and I really want to start a family, but because we're queer, it's an immense struggle.

We now have a young niece who we love. She's only 17 months old, but it feels as though she's changing every day. We love spending time with her and seeing how magical this time of year is for her and her family. But because we're struggling to start our own family, sharing in their happiness isn't enough. Often, spending time with her just reminds us of what we could have but don't.

Our options for starting a family are limited and expensive

My husband and I have deliberated over our options to start a family. When we started to discuss having a child a few years ago, I wanted to go down the surrogacy route, which would mean one of us would be the biological father. I wanted our genetic legacy to be passed on.

Surrogacy is a complex and expensive process. In the UK, where we live, it's legal, but surrogacy arrangements are not enforceable by law. If something goes wrong, parents-to-be could find themselves in a sticky and heartbreaking situation.

The UK's National Health Service recommends that those considering surrogacy don't do it independently. Many organizations (like COTS) work with both parties, offering support, knowledge, and guidance, to make the process smoother and less stressful.

Factoring in embryo creation, fertility-clinic fees, and surrogate expenses, the cost can amount to over $37,000.

It frustrates me how easy it is for many cis straight people to start a family. But I also know that this isn't the case for all cis straight people and that many are also going through turmoil when it comes to fertility and family building.

At the same time, LGBTQ+ people like us have to deal with extra obstacles. Practically speaking, the information available for surrogacy and adoption can be ambiguous and overwhelming.

Adoption seems like the best option for us, so we're starting to plan

The other route available to us is adoption, and we think it's the one we want to pursue. We've seen friends adopt, and despite knowing how long and arduous the process was — they went through several social workers and had their lives dissected — we feel more inspired now that they're on the other side and have a beautiful little boy. For us, it also just makes sense to give a home to a child in the world who needs one.

Whatever option we choose, we know it isn't going to be easy. Perhaps we just need to stop worrying about the obstacles, accept the way things are, and put a plan into action, because our future definitely has a child in it.

We haven't gotten far with our planning yet; we've been spending a lot of time talking about what we want and feeling overwhelmed by how much work is involved. Our goal for 2024, however, is to get our butts into gear.

For starters, I want us to be fully informed about how adoption works and how it would work for us. I foresee lots of chats over wine with our friends who went through the process. It took them years to get to where they are today, but seeing them with their son shows me it's worthwhile. My husband and I are in our late 30s, and I don't think it'll happen for us before we turn 40, but that's OK.

While parenthood may be further in the future than we'd like, some year down the line Halloween and Christmas will be just as magical for us as they are for many other families. We love to wow our friends and family when we dress up at Halloween, and our child will be no exception.

The milk and cookies will be out on Christmas morning. Even if the little one wakes up at 3 a.m., we'll be there, sharing in their excitement — but hopefully not every year, because Daddy needs his beauty sleep.