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My friend and I are both single. We decided to prioritize each other emotionally to combat loneliness.

Kate Benson   

My friend and I are both single. We decided to prioritize each other emotionally to combat loneliness.
  • As a single person, I get frustrated when friends pity me or show up to hangouts with partners.
  • My single friend and I decided to prioritize each other emotionally and do regular check-ins.

In the UK, where I live, it has always felt like we prioritize romantic partnerships over any other kind (and heteronormative ones, at that), though this certainly is not unique to our culture. Being single, I have often felt lonely, as if I am nobody's priority.

As I have gotten older and my peers start to pair off into couples, I haven't always had someone checking in with me or listening to me every day, even with a vast network of friends, while those in romantic relationships are more likely to have someone asking how their day was when night comes.

I don't want other people's opinions on my romantic status

The remarks I get as a single person are disheartening, whether it's being asked when I will get into a relationship or hearing blanket statements like, "It'll happen when you are least expecting."

Comments about how much people would hate to be single or dating often wear me down as well, even though they usually seem to come from a place of care. While I'm struggling with dating, I do not need to hear other people's negative opinions on my situation.

I would much rather have distractions and not dwell on the fact that I'm single — I don't want to hear that others are glad they aren't in my position.

It's hard to get quality time with friends — without their partners

The loneliness can feel exaggerated when I'm surrounded by couples, who often come as a package deal. Even though I love most of my friends' partners and enjoy spending time with them, it can be frustrating when I arrange to meet a friend only to have their partner join.

Sometimes I want quality time with my friend, and it leaves me feeling as though I'm unworthy of their full attention when they bring their partner along. Plus, it can feel disrespectful when you're not told ahead of time — I may not have the energy to talk to someone I wasn't expecting or don't know as well.

In lieu of romantic partners, my single friend and I prioritize each other

So to combat these feelings of being single in a paired-off world, my single friend and I have made each other our priorities. It started with sending each other regular voice notes after my friend's breakup. During that time, she was talking through her feelings, and I was listening and giving advice based on my previous breakup.

This then morphed into daily chats about our plans, feelings, and anything else we were thinking about. It included many conversations about life as a single person and how it's so important to have single friends who understand your position.

We became each other's priority to fight loneliness

When discussing how single people are nobody's main priority, we decided we would continue to be each other's. It wasn't our intention to rely on each other in this way, but it's nice to have someone to go to at the end of the day.

We acknowledge for each other that we are important, even though we aren't romantically paired, and we help ensure for each other as much as possible that we don't feel the loneliness single life can bring. Right now, it's working for us.

Now we each know someone is always there to listen and make the other her No. 1. While we both understand that this phase of our friendship may not last forever as we move into different stages of our lives, I hope our general connection does.



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