Science- My daughter attended American University, which is considered a prestigious college.
- But she felt isolated there and couldn't find a community.
Last year, my usually optimistic, independent daughter called me every day from college. Each time I answered, I put on my cheeriest tone and searched for ways to engage with her. Isabelle was miserable. When I mentioned ways to meet people or perk up her days, she grew defensive.
College wasn't supposed to be this hard to love. After all, American University, in Washington, DC, was one of the best schools. She'd worked hard to get into it, and people oohed and aahed when she was accepted. It met all her criteria and checked all the boxes. It had the prestige and promise to land her a killer job, along with a network of influential alumni.
This was the college meant to set her up for a perfect life. Instead, it made her feel like a failure.
It wasn't until Isabelle left the glamour of a top-ranked school behind and enrolled in a lesser-known school that she found true happiness as a college student.
During her stint at American University, Isabelle often felt isolated
Isabelle's days consisted of going to morning classes, getting a coffee at Starbucks, studying for several hours at the library, and eating dinner alone in her dorm room. On weekends, she took the bus to Trader Joe's.
"I don't mind being alone," she told me. We both knew it was a lie.
She struggled to find her people. Her roommate was great but pledged a sorority — something Isabelle had no interest in doing. A floormate asked if she wanted to get her nails done with her, and a girl from class set up a shopping trip, but Isabelle didn't click with either one.
She got lost in the large student body and couldn't find a sense of community; she couldn't even find anyone to binge-watch "Game of Thrones" with her. The school was also too far removed from DC for Isabelle, and the campus lacked great food options.
I started to share moments from our life back home to make her smile. When I told her cute stories about our dogs and how terrifying it was to be a passenger in the car while her sister drove with her learner's permit, Isabelle softened. The reminder that a world existed outside campus brought her comfort and gave her hope that things could be different — and better.
Over winter break during her freshman year, Isabelle came to me with a new plan
She popped into the kitchen with a smile. "I have a plan," she said.
Isabelle was going to try again: a new school, in a new city, with new kids and professors. A beam of hope glowed around her.
She kept her grades up and sent transfer applications to colleges with a new list of criteria. By knowing what she didn't want, she figured out what she did want. She most wanted to go to a school with kids like her who didn't vacation in the south of France or have a staff of people at their home.
"I just want to feel comfortable on a campus," she said. "I want to belong."
A few months later, she toured Emmanuel College, a school she'd refused to visit the year before because it wasn't as competitive as others, and she fell in love. The vibe was better, the food was better — good food was more important than she'd thought — and the kids on campus smiled when she passed them.
In 2022, she was accepted. She's now a sophomore there and loving every moment of it.
This year she's living her best college life — at a college that doesn't have the name recognition she thought she needed
When Isabelle stopped believing that a "better" school validated her worth as a scholar, she found refuge in a lesser-known college. It didn't have the prestige, but it more than made up for it in something that a ranking couldn't measure: her happiness.
Isabelle's daily phone call has been replaced with time spent with close friends and a boyfriend, dinners at the dining hall, and weekends in the city.
When I track her down, she talks fast to squeeze in the details of college life. There's nothing to fix, and when there is, she'll know how to do it on her own — the best thing she's learned in college so far.
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